A few quick notes before we get deep into this thing. First, I am currently on the road for work. Specifically, I am in visiting my company’s home offices in Boston this week. So, ya know? You want a recap of the Red Sox or Yankees games, both of which were showing on side-by-side screens at the bar last night, I’m totally our guy! You want a recap of this Braves team’s offense somehow muscling up for double digit runs for the second time in five games?! Dudes. Lady-dudes. I got nothing.

I mean, so far this season, both of Ender Inciarte and Ozzie Albies have been horrible. Freddie Freeman has seen all of 6 actual quality pitches to hit with Neck Paddycakes hitting behind him. Dansbo is putting up a pedestrian 727 OPS, which only seems good because of how terrible he was last year. And the starting pitching has sucked hard enough to pull golf balls through a water hose. And yet, still…

Freddie has crushed every single one of those six pitches, and has patiently walked otherwise. He’s OPS’ing over 1500 regardless, because, sure. Why not. Obviously that’s helped by Paddycakes himself popping a 1000+ literally out of no where, and Preston Tucker… I mean, PRESTON TUCKER is hitting 421/421/684. RYAN FLAHERTY is hitting 474/545/632.

It won’t last, of course. This is so many clear cases of Small Sample Size Theater it’s not even funny. Except, you know. It’s totally funny! These things happen. It’s nice to have it happen in our favor for a change. Wins count all season long even if they’re riding the Tucker-Flaherty Express.

And hell, who knows? Random slap hitting defensive infielders showing up and magically crushing the ball out of nowhere might stick! It’s happened before!

Anyway. Last night, from what I can tell via the online play by play recap, Julio was horrib-terrib-horrific-a-bad. Again. Did that Julio thing where he got slapped around SunTrust like a red headed stepchild. Domestic violence is funny if they’re a ginger.

2.1 innings, six runs. Gopher balls that themselves hit more gopher balls on their screaming, supersonic flights out of the stadium. You know. Your classic Julioing up of the joint. Bryce Harper hit baseballs very, very hard. AND WE WON ANYWAY. Preston Tucker’s insanely gigantic inhumanly large ears totally covered for him.

Look. Like I said. I don’t know. I was in Boston. The second screen was showing Didi Gregorious. I drank and read a book and forgot to watch the season premier of Legion on FX.

The Braves won, are 3-2, have crushed the ball this year, and with a win tonight would move back into an early tie for the division lead. Also, we’re only 10 days out from Acuna Day.

At this point in 1991 Houston’s Al Osuna had just out-dueled Kent Merker, dropping Atlanta to 2-3. Some rookie nobody named Curt Schilling got the save. Terry Pendleton wasn’t acquired for his bat.