I asked my wife to recap this one for me, and she stepped in like a champ. This is . . . special.
Hiya. Stu’s wife Kate here. My very devoted and loving husband is logging 14 hours at work today (no kidding), so I have been brought up from the minor leagues to give you today’s recap via our DVR. Folks, it’s going to be rocky. I’m going to talk about fashion and my strange observations about the game. But, hey! It’s a recap nevertheless, and I hope you can (white) bear with my bullets and punny jokes.
Can I just say that as someone who usually “watches†games by being in the room with JD while doing other things when the game is on, I have developed a keen ear for the announcers. In short, I miss Boog. Sometimes I’d like to just put a bar of soap in Chip’s mouth. He basically said the stupidest thing to introduce today’s game: “Let’s go streaking!†No no no no no. He jinxed the streak with his goofiness. What a stupid thing to say.
The Braves are in all white, which doesn’t do much for Fredi’s figure. Royals are in blue tops and gray pants, which are almost never flattering on any team.
First inning
Royals Lineup
Alex Gordon (LF)
Alicides Escobar (SS)
Billy Butler (1B)
Salvador Perez (C)
Lorenzo Cain (CF)
Jeff Fransnore (RF)
Mike Mostakas (3B)
Chris Getz (2B)
Wade Davis (P)
• Mikie Minor has a great start striking the first guy out.
• Alicides is a cool name, but not enough to get him a hit to land on base.
• They announce the umps’ names, which might be important for later (hint hint): Doug Eddings, John Tumpane, Dana Demuth, and Angel Hernandez.
• What the heck is Billy Butler wearing around his neck? A rope? At least it matches and helps with getting struck out.
• Braves’ turn, here’s the lineup:
Braves Lineup
BJ Upton (CF)
Jason Heyword (RF)
Justin Upton (LF)
Evan Gattis (C)
Dan Uggla (2B)
Juan Francisco (3B)
Chris Johnson (1B)
Andrelton Simmons (SS)
Mike Minor (P)
• BJ gets on first quickly. Nice running, old man.
• Why did I not know Jason Heyward was a southpaw? (Thanks Karen in “Field of Dreams†…I will always know what that means.) Anyway, Heyward gets an out with a hit between 2nd and 3rd.
• Jupton makes everyone nervous by hitting a foul that looks like a homer. Another, minor heart attack when his hit is an out all the way in center field.
• Geez a long throw gets El Oso Blanco out at first.
• NBD… we’ve got 8 more innings.
Second Inning
• Quick out for Salvadore Perez. (Have I mentioned how much I like Mike Minor? He’s a fellow Vanderbilt Commodore, so I of course think he’s great.)
• Simmons makes an excellent throw to first to get Cain out quickly. Poor Andrelton almost did a split! (I feel bad for the Braves laundry lady.)
• Oh, Francsnore, hello again… swinging at the first pitch still. (Will you never learn?) He’s out quickly with a popup to LF, and Mike Minor barely breaks a sweat.
Braves up.
• Uggla hits a ball out to the warning track, but, well, no luck. Maybe that’s why you’re known as “Struggla†around the Stuart household.
• Juan Francisco… Look at that! He makes it to first. Looks like Butler bare-handed the throw but threw too well/hard to make the out at first.
• Chris Johnson gets a strike and walks away, shaking his head, and hits the bat on his helmet. It’s ok, buddy! Don’t be so hard on yourself! Even though you eventually hit a double play.
Third Inning
• Moustakas hits out to right field and makes it to first. What a cool name. I’ll give you that base.
• Minor is at 33 pitches about now. Very nice.
• Getz hits it out to center field for an easy out.
• Davis, wait, he’s the pitcher? He has a .333 batting average? Is that right? I thought only Hudson had that type of batting average. Where is my husband when I need him when I have these questions? (I texted him: he clarifies that the Royals are in the AL which means they wuss out and don’t make the pitchers hit. Makes much more sense now.) Davis strikes out. See ya, .333!!!
• Gordon pops up into foul territory but gets an out. We’re still scoreless.
Braves up.
• Wait a minute, Andrelton Simmons already hit a popup into the outfield and I hadn’t even finished enjoying my commercial break. Simmer down, Simmons! You’re going to get a rep like Francsnore.
• Minor gets struck out. That’s ok, buddy. Keep your strength up for pitching.
• BJ Upton gets struck out too! Goodness… I’m getting a little bored.
Fourth inning
• Whew a nice hit out to RF for Escobar and he makes it to first. (What do you think they talk about at 1st base? Good ATL restaurants? Taunts about their mamas and stealing bases?)
• Minor’s doing pretty well here. 53 pitches after three batters, staying strong, “finding his way†as Glavine asserted.
• Lorenzo hits a single for an infield hit.
• Up again is Francsnore. Could you compare him to Billy Bean, fizzling out after high school? I doubt he’ll ever have Brad Pitt play him in a movie though. But he hit a line drive out into left, which brings Escobar home. Not bad, Jeffy.
Braves up.
• Heyward strikes out and says some choice words to the ump when departing. I can only imagine he’s telling the ump about his toe jam.
• Jupton hits a nice off-speed pitch out into left field and makes it to first. I read a cool stat today about Jupton: Justin Upton is averaging 422.4 feet per home run and all eight of his HR this season have gone over 400 feet.
• Gattis is up. I do love and miss Brian McCann (I will not publish the embarrassing thing I said to him when I met McCann in person after a game many years ago, but ever since that humbling moment, McCann is ok in my book). But Gattis has been really fun to watch. He hits a huge fly out to left but it is caught.
• And Struggla retires the side. Sigh.
Fifth Inning
• Mike Minor shines… 1, 2, 3. At this rate, he’ll be in all day.
Braves up.
• Wade Davis is at 53 pitches after he gets Francisco out. He’s going pretty solidly as well.
• Can I just say Chris Johnson is really hard on himself. Every time he walks away from the plate to take a breather, he shakes his head. It’s ok, buddy! Really! Somebody hug him after he gets out at first.
• Escobar gets out at first too. I need to go do some laundry.
Sixth Inning
• I can’t believe Jeff Francsnore is the only reason the Royals are winning. This 1-0 game so far has been the pits.
• Wait a minute, Escobar is back on first.
• Apparently Bo Jackson is at Turner Field today and threw out the first pitch. Who else has seen that ESPN “30 for 30†on Bo Jackson? Really excellent. Tip: if you are a boy and your girlfriend/wife isn’t into sports, make her watch those documentaries. I’m a big big fan. Really enjoyed the Magic Johnson/Larry Bird one too. The one with that running back Ricky was weird.
• Anyway, no trouble for Mike Minor in this inning with some easy outs.
Braves up.
• Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa… what is Jordan Schaefer doing at the plate instead of Minor? JD explains via text that Jordan is in because Fredi wanted to start a rally. What a bummer for Minor, especially because Schaefer strikes out.
• Upton makes a nice hit, right into Davis’ derriere. I blame the gray pants.
• I’m feeling a little tension between Heyward and the ump, but J-Hey hits a nice double and is the only Brave today to see the second base. I bet it was lonely.
• At this point, Davis has thrown 72 pitches, and he somehow gets an Upton out. Man, bummer.
Seventh Inning
• So that stupid graphic about calling the bullpen comes up, and I am reminded that Minor is NOT in the game and Luis Ayala is. I’m sure Lou is a swell guy, but I’m bummed Fredi messed up a good thing.
• Stolen base made by Cain, who is also wearing a goofy rope necklace. Maybe the rope is a legit thing?
• Moustakas helps Cain advance to third with an easy out at 1st, but Ayala quickly gets the third out.
Braves up.
• Dang, easy tag of the White Bear when he heads to first.
• Ruh roh, Uggla is having some choice words with Ump Eddings. I can’t imagine they’d want their mamas to hear what they are saying.
• Ooh Francicso makes it to first with a hit out to right. Maybe this is promising?
• Johnson makes a great hit that leads to a flub by the Royals and gives Francisco a chance to run home. Sadly, Royals get Franny out at home plate.
Eighth Inning
• Jarrod Dyson pinch-hits for Davis who is out of the game finally. He pitched very well, says someone-who-knows-nothing-about-pitching.
• Ayala does well pitching this half inning, despite weird ump rumblings.
Braves up.
• Kelvin Herrara is the Davis replacement.
• Simmons and Herrara have a long exchange, and when Simmons is finally struck out, the ump receives some serious words and boos. Eddings is stinking.
• Francsnore flubs a hit by Pena, so Pena actually advances to first. But next batter BJ just pops it up. Heyward is up, which makes the Royals nervous. But not legitimately nervous because he gets a quick out.
Ninth Inning
• Thankfully, Francsnore does not disappoint and hits into a double play that closes out their batting time in Atlanta. At this point, I’m finishing the laundry and trying to decide how not to be depressed that my first (and hopefully only) recap will be on the game that broke the lovely winning streak.
Braves up.
• Quick three outs by the Asheville-closer Holland. I’m going to just delete the game on the DVR and call it a night. If you’ve read this far, you’re a trooper. And for the record, I blame Chip Caray.
Thoroughly enjoyable. Thanks for stepping in.
That was better than watching the game, that’s for sure.
Eddings was horrible. Some of them were close, but stuff like the third strike call against Uggla in the 7th was atrocious.
But the Braves didn’t really do much with their chances, and getting Snitkered was so so dumb.
Stu’s wife for all the rest of the recaps. All agreed? Ayes have it.
Mac would be proud of all the good writing we’ve had thus far. Keep up the good work, everyone.
This is amazing. Stu, your recaps are good (“Mets LOL” is still the best), but if your wife needs to pinch hit again, I’m all for it. I’m dying to know the McCann story now!
So awesome. Needs more fashion though. 🙂
Oh, and “Franny” is a much better nickname than “Fat Juan.”
Thanks!! I really enjoyed the recap….
Well done, ma’am.
Fantastic recap, Stu’s wife.
Now that’s a recap !!! I didn’t even have to watch the lowlights today. Thanks
Really enjoyed the recap. Great job
I bow before you, Mrs. Stu. Very well done.
I hope this was one of the 60 “it is written” losses, but I fear it was one of the 60 that help determine your fate.
Kate! That was fantastic. Marie and I both enjoyed your perspective thoroughly. Good show.
Very reminiscent of the Sports Gal – Bill Simmons wife who used to do a bit in his NFL picks column. I loved that and I loved this.
And yes, more fashion please…
Chasing a toddler, gestating a child, doing laundry and recapping games, we know who the star is in the Stu household. 5 tool player for sure. Thanks Mrs. Stu.
@15 I thought the same thing.
Good work Mrs. Stu.
Kate — great job. Do you do college hockey writeups as well?
@7- I wanted to get “Juando SwingMissian” (you know, like Lando Calrissian?) to stick, but he’s been hitting the ball too well so far….
Bravo, Mrs. Stu! Absolutely brilliant recap.
Loved it. Hope to see you again around these parts, Kate!
Ha!
Very well done. Thanks.
Loved the write-up – thanks Kate! Is there any reason the title is Royals 1, Barves 0? Is “Barves” the plural of “Barf”?
That was thorough!
Epic recap.
TD, Barves was a meme last year:
http://www.talkingchop.com/2012/5/7/3006291/the-story-behind-those-barves-shirts-yes-barves
What’s the latest update on Avilan?
D.N. Nation and I still have Barves shirts that we’ve both been known to wear around town… the best is when someone looks at you incredulously and says your shirt’s misspelled. In the beginning, I would direct them to the internet for reference. Now I just act like I had no idea and I must have bought a defective shirt. That’s more fun, really.
Certain corners of my Twitter/Facebook are all “BARVES BARVES BARVES” every time we win in dramatic fashion, so I’ll always love it.
Jose Canseco just did an AMA (Ask Me Anything for those not reddit savvy) on reddit.
Canseco is jc7264 and appears to be verified. Mostly text, but not sure how SFW some of the comments are.
@27 – So not only does Stu’s wife do a great recap, she’s up on all the latest trends and vernacular!
So we get Holbrook’s crew for this 4 game set…
31—She’s also insanely hot.
@32
I wish it were in Atlanta
Dang, nice detailed recap; well done, Mrs. Stu
If I make donations to Vanderbilt, will Mrs. Stu contribute more often to the recaps?
Stu married up. Unpossible for Bethany to do so. Maybe Beachy?
36—You probably need to make the donations directly to Mrs. Stu.
Your lineup for today:
Bupton cf, Heyward rf, Jupton lf, CJohnson 1b, Uggla 2b, Francisco 3b, Simmons ss, Laird c, Teheran p.
Continuing the trend of Laird as Teheran’s personal catcher (or at least not having a rookie catch a rookie). And while I’m not thrilled with Johnson as a cleanup hitter, who have we got that’s better? Francisco, maybe?
Chris is seeing the ball well right now. He can handle the 4th spot.
I know it’s only 45 PA, but Johnson’s 2nd in the NL in hitting. He’s sitting at 409/435/545.
If you’re going to play the hot hand, there are few hotter right now.
I like this beginning.
I guess Justin taught him the 2 strike homer trick.
Can’t wait for BJ to come out of his slump. It’ll really change the dynamic of the offense.
Teheran inspires little confidence.
Team in an early hole? No worries, Teheran is on the mound.
Teheran better step it up or Beachy will have his spot in about two months.
Teheran isn’t locating his fastball, but that broken bat bloop double was unlucky as can be.
First time poster, long time lurker. I was at the game yesterday – this recap is very, very close to being better than actually being there!
@48 Agreed, the double was poor luck, but he walked the guy in front of him on 4 pitches.
This umpire seems to be squeezing both sides of the plate, according to GameDay. Can anyone watching the game verify?
Well look at that! FatJuan gets an infield single.
@37, Your comment reminded me of this: http://gifstumblr.com/cool/me-fail-english-thats-unpossible-605
Just got a PS3 recently which allows me to stream the game through MLB.TV with the radio audio feed instead of Chip and Joe. I think that alone will make the price worthwhile.
@50, Yes. Teheran is missing his spots but he’s still in the strike zone.
Juan beat the pitcher to the bag. I have truly seen everything.
Andrelton Simmons: Space cadet.
Barves…
Sigh.
He got picked off on a good move. It happens.
“He got picked off on a good move. It happens.”
But why go? If Laird made an out after that, the pitcher would lead off the following inning.
As it stood, Laird’s walk would have made it first and second, Teheran would then bunt and you’re probably looking at Upton up with runners on second and third.
Steam. Out of my ears.
Oy. Teheran, AAA beckons.
Teheran inspires no confidence.
Let’s just assume that we need to score 6 or 7 runs when Teheran starts.
59- You steal second because then the #8 hitter can drive you in with a single.
Fredi said in pre-game that we’re gonna try to steal a lot tonight because the scouting report is that their guy is slow to the plate. So I expect a lot of outs on the basepaths tonight.
You know expectations are high when the fan base gets upset about the young #5 pitcher giving up 2 runs.
Jo-Jo Reyes, Anthony Lerew, Tommy Hanson, Chuck James, Kyle Davies, Charlie Morton…
64 — I think the other view on that is that you steal second and the #8 hitter gets nothing at all to hit with the pitcher due next.
Teheran is just missing the plate too much and not missing close enough to get swings and misses and he ends up having to throw it down the middle. Hopefully he can settle down again and the offense can score him some runs.
It’s nice that we have a dominant enough roster that we can afford to bring along a young stud who clearly needs the polish and experience. It’s also nice that if he is a bum, Brandon Beachy is waiting in the wings come midseason.
CHRIS!!!!!! Oh my!!!!
Arizona Connection!
CHRIS!! You’ve convinced me.
Chris Johnson, batting champion?!
Is Fredi getting smarter?
68- There was only one out. If they pitch around the #8 hitter that’s great, the pitcher can bunt them both over and you’ve got BJ up with men on 2nd and 3rd.
The Pirates feed did a good job of showing how Locke first showed Simmons a poor move, then nailed him with his good one.
This guy Chris Johnson has reverse splits. We’re doomed!
It’s ok, guys, Teheran used to be the best prospect in baseball.
This strike-zone is microscopic. It’s going to take a lot of runs to win this game.
76 — I’m not really that much against it (it just sucks when steals fail) but as you said there was only one out, so barring a double play from Laird (which isn’t that unlikely) the pitcher was in theory already cleared unless you run into an extra out.
Ball is flying tonight, might very well need those 6-7 runs.
Whew, nice DP!
great dp. That was huge
There you go, Julio!
I always approve of helping your own cause.
I’m glad they are making this guy work, at the very least. Bah, BJ, that wasn’t even close.
Is it just me or does it look like Teheran may be tipping his pitches ever so slightly? His motion seems a little more deliberate at times.
Meatballs.
Hit almost hit that over the CF backdrop. That was more like 490 ft. I have no clue how they estimate homerun distances.
Teheran has no chance if he can’t get strikes from the breaking ball.
Teheran doesn’t have good enough stuff to miss with his location this bad.
GAH, thought that was gone.
Screw you, Chip.
“Too high.”
NOW THAT IS GONE
lol Justin Upton. It’s gotten to the point where I’m disappointed when he doesn’t hit a home run.
Justin strikes again.
JUPTON! Whatever he’s drinking, give me one.
Looking more like a 10-9 game at the moment.
Braves are 1-0 when both Uptons homer.
If only Jason would ever get on base…
You can’t hit it much harder than Jason hit that last one. Wind shoved it back in play.
Nah, he was jammed pretty bad. Wasn’t hit that hard…he’s just strong enough to get jammed and fly out to the warning track.
@98: Braves are 12-0 when they score.
Oof, Chris.
Braves are 12-0 when getting a run 🙂
Edit: And JonathanF is much faster than me.
2nd caught stealing. Over/under at 4.
How do you get thrown out by that much when the catcher drops the ball?
Johnson slower than McCann?
Caught stealings suck.
Go on, Julio, give it back to them.
Laird blows.
I thought the Braves had tonight off.
I am a dumbass.
Well, at least I tuned in in time to see Teheran get smoked for a double.
Laird is not a good catcher.
Good thing we have a veteran catching our rookie pitcher. Our white bear would likely have blocked that passed ball.
Not that it would have mattered.
Bet Fredi goes with Teheran too long since we are one man short in the bullpen.
Someone should make a complimentary Twitter account named @DidTeheranAllowaRun.
For some reason I thought they were off tonight too.
Oh, and by the way: spring training stats are worthless.
I like this intentional walk here… It’s just too bad he can’t do it again to the next batter. And the one after that..
Pirates as a team had 7 homers coming into tonight.
Whew.
It’s going to be nice to have Freddie back at 1B.
If I were a betting man, I’d bet my house that Gattis catches Teheran next time.
Teheran has Barves even. Is that his best start?
The Pirates are just one away from matching our season high for runs allowed.
“Someone should make a complimentary Twitter account named @DidTeheranAllowaRun.”
What fun would that be? You’d just be tweeting “yes” every five days or so, until late June.
Surely that was Teheran’s last inning.
Nice of Clint Barves to bail us out.
@cantpredictball
Julio Teheran has given up 15 earned runs in 16 innings this season, all other #Braves pitchers have given up 14 in 116 IP
I don’t see the issue in starting Laird. Gattis is our guy until McCann comes back, but he’s only 2 for his last 19 in case nobody noticed.
Pretty pesky AB by Reed.
Gah, what an AB by Reed.
Damn, that was quite the at-bat by Reed.
Same result as a first-pitch-swing out though.
Intentional walk to get to Heyward? There’s an unusual strategy. And by that I hopefully mean very, very stupid.
Edit- No such good luck. You’ll get em next time.
Justin’s gonna have to hit a few more out.
If any other starter were hitting like Jason, there’d be a lot more complaints about all his playing time.
It’s really nice to see Avilan walking around in the dugout, hopefully he can be back and continue where he left off.
It’d be nice if Heyward stopped hitting .118.
BJ Upton has almost an identical OPS, and Uggla is no great shakes either. Nobody’s complaining about either of those guys’ playing time either. It’s early.
@135 But of course Heyward is not “any other starter,” he’s an elite talent who is still developing and a franchise player. You let him work through his slump.
Our 1 and 2 hitters have to be the worst pair in baseball right now. But yes it’s early. Still think Heyward has a lot to figure out though.
Varvaro looked good. Get him some runs, boys.
Heyward seems to get (himself) jammed a lot more than any other hitter recently.
That was a quality pitch to swing at 3-0, Dan. [/sarcasm]
Has this guy even thrown a strike yet?
Chip after Juan’s swinging at a ball behind his feet:
“That ball might have been off the plate.”
Durrr, you think?
Not a single pitch to Francisco was a strike. He swung at three of them.
Success?
Let’s see if I can jinx Simmons..
Andrelton Simmons sucks.
Hey, close enough.
Gerald Laird sucks?
Joe Simpson loves him some sac bunting.
No, bunting sucks.
Lemme try. Gattis, he definitely sucks.
I can accept Laird bunting
WTF? How can we play the rest of the game without a backup catcher? I think this might be an alternate universe.
Oh without a doubt.. Evan Gattis sucks.
Gattis definitely sucks. Bad.
WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
THE LEGEND LIVES!!!
It’s a good thing Laird bunted Simmons over into scoring position.
GATTIS SUCKS!! BY WHICH I MEAN HE’S AWESOME!!
End of debate. Oso Blanco forever.
EVAN GATTIS IS HANDSOME AND EXTREMELY POWERFUL!!
Dang!
155 — I’m quite encouraged by Fredi’s decision there. It doesn’t hurt at all that it worked too.
What has Gattis done for us lately?
That Gattis home run was made so much sweeter by listening to the Bucs announcers blather on about Gattis’ bat flip after his homer off Halladay. Then they just shut the fuck up. Priceless.
Yes, sir, Mr. Gattis.
Gattis didn’t even get much of that ball. Damn is he strong.
@165 – agree. Fredi is getting better. No way that he does that last year. However, I’m not willing to give him credit for giving Gattis ABs. How could you not after watching this kid kill the ball for a month.
Johnson could go to 3rd to keep 2 catchers in game.
EOF’s arm is going to fall off.
In seeing that slow-motion replay of Gattis’s granfalloon, is it normal for hitters to roll their front foot to such a huge degree? The first time they showed that angle I thought he’d rolled his ankle.
Efficient work from O’Flaherty. Bring on the Kraken!
Fredi has always been willing to put his STARTING catcher in to PH in a game that his backup started. McCann would pinch hit all the time on his day off.
For some reason, he thinks it’s different to put his backup catcher in to a game to pinch hit. I don’t understand it at all. He’s still out of catchers either way. I used to think it was that Brian McCann was just too good to be stupid about. But, it now seems to be a starter/backup thing.
How come everyone named Vin Mazzaro is from Hackensack, New Jersey?
The Braves had 8 BB, 6 Ks, and 4 HRs tonight.
So.. when the weather heats up, will they hit MORE homeruns?
I think the record for HRs by a team is in jeopardy this year.
Here’s Vin Mazzaro, from Hackensack. Is that all you get for your money?
Wow, Joe just said Chris Johnson has 7 multi-hit games already this season. That’s insane.
Chris “Hit Machine” Johnson
178- But Teheran is giving me a heart attackackackackackack.
Fat Juan is fat.
Wow…catchers’ worst nightmare…call for the curve and get the heater. Ouch.
Major league team home run record is 264, by the 1997 Mariners. National league record is 249 by the 2000 Astros.
This team is on pace to hit 356.
Kimbrel sitting at 97.
Kimbrel is in Unfair Mode tonight.
@186 Unfair is right. Being able to place breaking pitches on the corner when you already have his kind of fastball is just cruel.
Ballgame! Great to see vintage Kimbrel tonight.
Kimbrel just showing everyone that he’s not worried.
I love Craig Kimbrel.
I could get used to 4 HRs per game. 5 is more fun, but 4 will do.
Good lord, that was some nasty pitching!
I like Unfair Mode. And Gatitude Mode. And Generally Be Better At Baseball Mode.
Kraken on pace for 75 games saved unless fredi sits me down after Barves clinch.
We get to be the Braves again after tonight’s game.
Still undefeated when scoring 1 or more runs.
Low strikeout rate my %$&%$$%.
And this Chris Johnson guy is pretty good. In Wren I trust.
And it’s off to Colorado after this. yikes.
@196
I thought about that as soon as Bupton homered. “This game is in the bag” said I
Still undefeated when we score.
Prado looks weird in a D’backs uniform.
Cody Ross just looks weird.
Recapped by sansho.