Here goes… Contest is to write (in comments to this post) a sonnet in a recognized rhyme and meter in which the first letter of each line spells out:
R O G E R A M C D O W E L L
(Alan is his middle name. It is mine too. I am ashamed.)
I’ll choose the winner for relevance and esthetics. Winner will receive:
The right to compose “Fun Mets Facts” for the upcoming series, and:
The Official 1985 Spring Sports Record Book of the Southeastern Conference. Seriously, someone gave it to us, I’ve no idea why.
(Shakespearean sonnet)
Ringing in your ears?
Oh, it?s the sound of bats hitting balls ? hard ? in Turner Field.
Giants, Dodgers, Phillies and Padres ? hitting like we haven?t seen in years
Each run one far too many that our Braves pitchers do yield.
Right after Leo headed for Baltimore,
And Roger McDowell was announced by Big John,
Many cried ?McDowell? Who? This we abhor!
Could we not find a better coach in Bhutan??
Dan Kolb soon departed on back to Milwaukee
Old and young both wondering if he ever learned to type.
Wacky McDowell found out he could not guarantee
Even a first inning without his squad giving up five. What a gripe!
Leo may be gone, but that?s not a bad omen
Lies a man they call Mark Bowman.
I was an English major in undergrad. Poetry wasn’t my strong suit, but I wouldn’t feel right with myself if I did try to do something here. (Though I feel like no matter what I do will look bad following Wryn’s excellent entry.)
Riding into Atlanta, the Sienfeldian second spitter
Only he can replace Leo, the front office said
Giving advice to vets and rookies to try and go challenge the hitter
ERAs just rise, while each fan bangs his head.
Reality has set in, in this the second week
A Brave starter still hasn’t recorded a win
McDowell sucks, in fact he actually reaks
Can’t a pitcher get an out? Someone pass the Gin
Don’t think we’ve forgotten Leo here in Atlanta
Oh he was the best, now we’re stuck with Rog
We know the McDowell era will require gallons of Mylanta
Even he knows if this keeps up he’ll have to get out of Dodge.
Leo why have you forsaken us?
Like we didn’t suffer enough with the Ortiz known as Russ.
Okay, not to get all fancy, but since I’m a Russian major, I decided to write an Onegin Sonnet. (Each of the verses of Alexander Pushkin’s novel-in-verse Eugene Onegin was a sonnet with a specific scheme.)
Here goes:
Run past third base, the coach is hoarsely yelling
?Oh SHIT!? says Bobby, far too many times.
Got Ray from Richmond, Key or Ken by spelling,
Ends the inning, and his arm, with changeup slime,
Right next: Frank Jobe, with Huddie there?I?m weeping;
And all the pitchers, terrible or sleeping.
Mets beating us in pitching? What the *#%!?
Can?t anyone here play this game? You suck!
Days, weeks? what next? LaRoche, a lefty, pitching?
Or worse, a Sosa slider hung to Dunn
Which he just KILLS. Score?s 605 to one.
Earned runs? No, no. There?s more to all my bitching.
Let me be clear: the Second Spitter blows.
Leo had smarter boogers in his nose.
Great idea Mac! brillinat stuff, guys! My only problem is that I can’t make any kind of judgment after just a dozen games.
wow…i’m very impressed with the quality of our rog bashing…let it never be said that braves fans aren’t scholars
“Roger is a young superstar”
Our opposisiton said
“Great for here and far”
Everyone was lying
Really not telling us the truth
And Bobby and John were buying!
Mean ass Leo rocking
Camden Yards
Down here we are sighing
Opposition ripping us to shards
We were all in denial
Every one of us
Leo is better than Roger, by a country mile
Leave us Roger, get on the bus!
Thanks, man… it’s harder than it looks! (I apologize for swearing, but right now the Braves’ pitching is bringing out my emotional side.)
Iambic pentameter, alternating lines of feminine and masculine endings, a bizarre ababccddeffegg rhyme scheme…
Those poets were pretty good back in the day. I have no idea how they actually wrote so damn much.
yeah,for real. i’m reading milton’s “paradise lost”, and it’s just thousands and thousands of lines of metered poetry. it must’ve taken years…
Roger A. McDowell.
Our savior and friend,
Guess this is how the streak’s gonna end.
Everyone waiting for their turn at the plate,
Rollins and Omar and Jeff Kent can’t wait;
A new start from Leo, the magazines said,
Maybe we’re better with no one instead.
Can you recall a fate worse than this?
Desperate for pitching, and down to the Mets?
Over and over the guys we face laugh,
“When will it get to be my turn to bat?”
Every year different, but is this is the last?
Looks like Cox misses the rocking and stares;
Let’s shoot McDowell and see if anyone cares.
Adam,
It’s so appropriate for a guy of your name to be reading Milton’s Paradise Lost… By now, you no doubt know that it did take years, during which he was BLIND–like Eric Gregg. Hope you enjoy Milton’s attempt at justifying the ways of God to man (also appropriate this weekend, I guess).
Really people is this the new pitching savior
omniscient he’s not,but presently helpingpitchers
get acquainted with clubhouse fun instead of
energetically saving the winning
run may well be his powerful theory
awesome the youngsters think he is because
mighty mac doesn’t give instruction, but jokes
could this guy really continue this work
dodging the criticism when he ends up fired and broke
omnipotent i thought JS was, but incapable of
winning with Roger the Dodger shows me his power
excells only in tales of the folk, now we must
lose a few before Mc”fowell” is fired midseason
letting the fans have reason to hope, dream, and
love again, what we’ve all lost under these times
That has very little rhyme and meter to it, but its from the heart
Are we going to get a game thread?
I guess we can consider this as a game thread 🙂
Marcus Giles, once again… leading off the game by swinging on the first pitch and flying out.
Why do you do that, Marcus
He’s 3rd in the league in walks, AAR. I think he’s been doing a great job. How many times did Furcal do that?
I hadn’t realized that, Jenny. I guess I’ll keep him.
If anybody wants to listen to the game on radio, go to WGST.com and click on listen live. You will get another station in the background as well, but you can still listen to the game and follow what is happening.
Now they have completely taken off the game. It looks like all talk radio now. Sorry about that.
Actually, he WAS tied for 2nd until his brother walked last inning.
Smoltzie’s pitch count is already gettng up there. 1.2 innings at 35. Not good.
There’s a game thread now…
i dont know about you’s guys but i kind of like the guy