“Hi, I’m pitcher Shane Reynolds. I can’t throw a fastball through a wet paper bag, I’m making the minimum, my ERA is heading towards six, and I just gave up three runs in the first inning to the dreaded Devil Rays offense. Think this will finally get me out of the rotation? Ha! I wound up with Keith Lockhart’s old locker, and you wouldn’t believe some of the pictures he left there.”

UPDATE: “Hey, now I’ve given up seven runs in the first three innings. Bobby probably thinks I threw well and was unlucky. Well, that’s what he’ll say, anyway.”