Please forgive the shameless ripoff of an Onion article I always liked. Yeah, the Red Sox won by the score of a forfeit, 9-0. Bravda put up a postgame story where Brian Snitker expressed his support for Schwellenbach. “Lot of strikes, kid is learning,” Snit told MLB.com. “Probably got too much of the plate. But he competes really well, stuff is good, and there’s a lot of upside there.”

But, honestly, who the hell cares if your rookie fifth starter throws up a stinker when you get one-hit? When you get one-hit in Fenway Park, for heaven’s sake?

Just for comparison: this was the first one-hitter the Red Sox have been involved with all year, on either side of the ball. It was the first one-hitter at Fenway since Rick Porcello one-hit the Yankees on August 3, 2018. The Braves offense is in rare company.

One piece of good news is that Jarred Kelenic seems to be okay. He came out of the game after jamming his wrist on a diving catch, but X-rays were negative. So the Braves leave Boston, their ancestral home, after splitting a two-game set, and now head to Washington, where there are enough expat Georgians like me that it practically sounds like a home game.

Smitty, I hope your barber hears some news soon. We’ll definitely turn our season around after AA trades Ray Kerr for Mookie Betts.