Associated Braves Journal Press


Phoenix Police arrested Atlanta Braves General Manager Frank Wren on theft charges.  The charges stem from an incident this past winter when Wren allegedly stole Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Justin Upton.

Wren is being represented by Dewey, Cheatham and Howe,  who gave  Associated Braves Journal Press the following statement:

The charges against our client are categorically false.  (Giggle, Giggle) He left Martin Prado and Randall Delgado in Upton’s place! (more muffled giggling)

In a related manner, police have also called in Prado and Delgado for questioning. At this time a PPD is maintaining the stance that Prado and Delgado are not being charged at this time, but are potential accomplices of Wren’s.

 Upton was seen last night in the Phoenix area. Eyewitnesses claim they saw Upton have four hits, including a massive homerun.

The witnesses claim Upton was not acting alone. An alleged gang of individuals, identifiable by their blue shirts, also ran wild in the Phoenix  area last night. The a few of the suspects identified include a Brian McCann and a Mike Minor. McCann is alleged to have also hit a home run while Minor ran interference for six and two-thirds innings.

There were also witnesses who claimed Chris Johnson, who went missing around the same time Upton was allegedly stolen, had three hits with a home run.

Wren is scheduled to have a bond hearing this morning. Experts believe that his bond will be three hotdogs and a Hank Aaron baseball in return for the Grand Canyon.