Poetry challenge

Now that we’re all warmed up… This is beyond my skills, but I challenge you guys to write a sonnet. The first letters of each line need to spell out one of these fourteen-letter combinations:

RYAN LANGERHANS
JOHN SCHUERHOLZ

17 thoughts on “Poetry challenge”

  1. Run the bases over-aggressively!
    You know, we
    Aren’t going to score anyway.
    Nevermind that wasting outs is a
    Losing strategy.
    Another baserunner thrown out! Who cares, it’s
    Not like we had a
    Good hitter coming up. Besides, aggression forces
    Errors. And with our pitching, who needs
    Runs? Surely not
    Horacio, painting the outside corner with
    Aplomb. So play for one run, that’s all he’ll
    Need. Oh, and Brian Jordan? He
    Sucks!

  2. I’m guessing that’s probably not a sonnet. I was too lazy to look that up. Sorry.

  3. Just brilliant at his job, but
    Oh how often he makes me sob
    How on earth is Jordan still here?
    Night by night, I shed my tears

    Sorrow still fills my heart
    Cause Bobby plays this old windy fart
    Hoard back your anger Ryan, you could go too far!
    Understand, Brian was a SUPERstar
    Exactly when did this man shine
    Really? be truthful, I don’t remember a time
    Oldie but a good does not apply
    Let him go. farewell. goodbye!
    Zen….

  4. Just Andrew hitting homers to the deck.
    Only Smoltzie wiffing batters once again.
    Have we not seen this? How is this new? In
    Nats country they gloat: The Braves are a wreck.
    Some will cheer: Furcal’s hitting is dreck.
    Chipper is nothing but hurt, still on the mend.
    Hudson is aging. Kolb dissolved from within.
    Under two teams we lie. Reality check.

    Every paper reports how young this team skews.
    Rookies only get better, and they’ve started by
    Hitting. The Richmond kids have been learning
    Only half the season. Too early for blues.
    Long is the season. They can not help but try.
    Zero the chance their fire stops burning.

  5. Riding the pine while Brian Jordan plays
    Youth impatient, yea, and rightly so
    Age hath privilege–and pix which secrets show
    No suckitude’s enough to end his days

    Lo! A bomb! An extra-inning blast!
    A run when all the rest have failed to hit
    Not even this disturbs the boss a whit
    Good job” is all; th’playing time does not last.
    Even two bombs are not enough to get
    Release from th’bench; and nor two bombs again:
    Home runs are not on what his fate depends
    And walks count nought against th’blackmailing vet
    No way to ‘scape the bench, to bring us joy
    So sing a dirge for Langerhans, our boy.

  6. I won’t read any others as to not influence my work…

    Relief Pitching needs to Improve…
    You can’t win with Dan Kolbb.
    Andruw has really been swinging great of late?
    Need those starter to get healthy, though…

    Larry, are you healed yet?
    At least our rookies are finally hitting.
    New blood has really been the key this year.
    Gryboski is still fat and has to go.
    Earlier predictions of our demise, premature.
    Raul Mondesi, where is he? Don’t miss him…
    Help for starting pitching is IN the farm
    Adam LaRoche is showing some power…
    Never ever utter Eric Gregg’s name.
    Smoltz is the All Star this year

  7. Reality sets in, I’m not starting
    You got to be kidding,
    Another day on the pine,
    Now that I just started hitting!

    Least of all my favorites,
    Ass sitting on the bench,
    Nearby Jordan takes BP,
    Go away you old washed-up wench!
    Either you have pictures or stories,
    Resting on years ago laurels,
    Hang it up already, you’re done!
    All this does is start Braves Journal quarrells!
    Now go quietly into that night,
    So I won’t have to beat you sensless!

  8. Just like our fond addiction to the wins
    Our leader finds his glory fading fast
    He mightily has tried, but now depends
    No more upon boss Turners piles of cash

    So boldly charged he to the season new
    Chose Smoltzie as the Braves’ new leading arm
    He worried for the future, for ’twas true
    Underlying was a barren farm

    Estrada came and shone his brightest, but
    Relievers were but few and far between
    Horacio wound up with injured nut
    On top of that, our closer ain’t worth beans

    Lo, though the ending era may draw near
    Zealous fans will still be fans next year

    (A Shakespearean sonnet may be an ABAB CDCD EFEF GG rhyme scheme, which makes it the easiest one to do, I think. An Italian would have been ugly difficult, especially if you wanted to maintain the turn.)

    Anyway, that’s the best I can do, Mac. It’s my first post, and I have been a long-time admirer of the site… don’t ever stop being awesome :)

  9. Right or left Number 18 doesn’t care
    Youth is served, get Mondesi a rocking chair
    Astros were the first to feel the ‘Hans
    Next question, Where is Wonderful Monds?
    Lingered on the bench while Bobby used the book
    Amazing catches made Cox take a second look
    Now he plays against right or left
    Get rid of Kolb, his salary’s a theft
    Every Sunday game, Langer’s the king
    Roundtrippers times two, defense like Yao Ming
    He’s already better than the old 18 named Ryan
    And Kolb,Gryboski, Furcal and Brian. (Jordan)
    Now everyone says Number 18 can play
    Sure hope he doesn’t get traded away.

  10. With all due respect guys…. None of those are sonnets. This is.

    Rise up and face the flag… “Home of the brave”

    You wait for Smoltz to take the mound again

    And when he does the fans get what they crave

    No junk just strikes… The batters just complain

    Low sliders whizz by guys who swing at air

    As one by one the middle innings fly
    No hits the sixth the seventh.. It ain’t fair
    Good pitching beats good hitting… Stats don’t lie
    Each strikeout notched makes Smoltzie bear down more
    Right up until he finally loses gas
    Hell! Kolb emerges from the bullpen door
    And Now we know we’ll take it up the ass

    Now Bobby Cox is destined for the Hall
    Unless he gives old Danny the next call

  11. Oops… That last line line came froma an earlier draft. It should be:
    So long as Danny doesn’t spoil it all.

  12. An apology to delq: I hadn’t read their sonnets when I posted my disappointment at the earlier efforts. The meter (which everyone else seems to miss) is excellent. My excuse is that I still can’t access this website at home for some obviously intractable reason.

  13. I don’t understand why. Have you tried purging your cache? If that doesn’t work, try a workaround like looking at the site in Google Translate. (Use Chinese-to-English.)

    I can’t rhyme very well. So I’m going into another direction for my literary efforts. Alliterative verse.

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