Now that we’re all warmed up… This is beyond my skills, but I challenge you guys to write a sonnet. The first letters of each line need to spell out one of these fourteen-letter combinations:
RYAN LANGERHANS
JOHN SCHUERHOLZ
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Run the bases over-aggressively!
You know, we
Aren’t going to score anyway.
Nevermind that wasting outs is a
Losing strategy.
Another baserunner thrown out! Who cares, it’s
Not like we had a
Good hitter coming up. Besides, aggression forces
Errors. And with our pitching, who needs
Runs? Surely not
Horacio, painting the outside corner with
Aplomb. So play for one run, that’s all he’ll
Need. Oh, and Brian Jordan? He
Sucks!
I’m guessing that’s probably not a sonnet. I was too lazy to look that up. Sorry.
Sonnets. I think I’d take blank verse, but it would have to scan.
Just brilliant at his job, but
Oh how often he makes me sob
How on earth is Jordan still here?
Night by night, I shed my tears
Sorrow still fills my heart
Cause Bobby plays this old windy fart
Hoard back your anger Ryan, you could go too far!
Understand, Brian was a SUPERstar
Exactly when did this man shine
Really? be truthful, I don’t remember a time
Oldie but a good does not apply
Let him go. farewell. goodbye!
Zen….
Missed the H. Hey, it’s a tough one.
Just Andrew hitting homers to the deck.
Only Smoltzie wiffing batters once again.
Have we not seen this? How is this new? In
Nats country they gloat: The Braves are a wreck.
Some will cheer: Furcal’s hitting is dreck.
Chipper is nothing but hurt, still on the mend.
Hudson is aging. Kolb dissolved from within.
Under two teams we lie. Reality check.
Every paper reports how young this team skews.
Rookies only get better, and they’ve started by
Hitting. The Richmond kids have been learning
Only half the season. Too early for blues.
Long is the season. They can not help but try.
Zero the chance their fire stops burning.
Bravo!
Riding the pine while Brian Jordan plays
Youth impatient, yea, and rightly so
Age hath privilege–and pix which secrets show
No suckitude’s enough to end his days
Lo! A bomb! An extra-inning blast!
A run when all the rest have failed to hit
Not even this disturbs the boss a whit
Good job” is all; th’playing time does not last.
Even two bombs are not enough to get
Release from th’bench; and nor two bombs again:
Home runs are not on what his fate depends
And walks count nought against th’blackmailing vet
No way to ‘scape the bench, to bring us joy
So sing a dirge for Langerhans, our boy.
Uh… I read Hamlet once.
Well, ok, some of it :-/
I won’t read any others as to not influence my work…
Relief Pitching needs to Improve…
You can’t win with Dan Kolbb.
Andruw has really been swinging great of late?
Need those starter to get healthy, though…
Larry, are you healed yet?
At least our rookies are finally hitting.
New blood has really been the key this year.
Gryboski is still fat and has to go.
Earlier predictions of our demise, premature.
Raul Mondesi, where is he? Don’t miss him…
Help for starting pitching is IN the farm
Adam LaRoche is showing some power…
Never ever utter Eric Gregg’s name.
Smoltz is the All Star this year
Reality sets in, I’m not starting
You got to be kidding,
Another day on the pine,
Now that I just started hitting!
Least of all my favorites,
Ass sitting on the bench,
Nearby Jordan takes BP,
Go away you old washed-up wench!
Either you have pictures or stories,
Resting on years ago laurels,
Hang it up already, you’re done!
All this does is start Braves Journal quarrells!
Now go quietly into that night,
So I won’t have to beat you sensless!
Just like our fond addiction to the wins
Our leader finds his glory fading fast
He mightily has tried, but now depends
No more upon boss Turners piles of cash
So boldly charged he to the season new
Chose Smoltzie as the Braves’ new leading arm
He worried for the future, for ’twas true
Underlying was a barren farm
Estrada came and shone his brightest, but
Relievers were but few and far between
Horacio wound up with injured nut
On top of that, our closer ain’t worth beans
Lo, though the ending era may draw near
Zealous fans will still be fans next year
(A Shakespearean sonnet may be an ABAB CDCD EFEF GG rhyme scheme, which makes it the easiest one to do, I think. An Italian would have been ugly difficult, especially if you wanted to maintain the turn.)
Anyway, that’s the best I can do, Mac. It’s my first post, and I have been a long-time admirer of the site… don’t ever stop being awesome 🙂
Right or left Number 18 doesn’t care
Youth is served, get Mondesi a rocking chair
Astros were the first to feel the ‘Hans
Next question, Where is Wonderful Monds?
Lingered on the bench while Bobby used the book
Amazing catches made Cox take a second look
Now he plays against right or left
Get rid of Kolb, his salary’s a theft
Every Sunday game, Langer’s the king
Roundtrippers times two, defense like Yao Ming
He’s already better than the old 18 named Ryan
And Kolb,Gryboski, Furcal and Brian. (Jordan)
Now everyone says Number 18 can play
Sure hope he doesn’t get traded away.
With all due respect guys…. None of those are sonnets. This is.
Rise up and face the flag… ?Home of the brave?
You wait for Smoltz to take the mound again
And when he does the fans get what they crave
No junk just strikes… The batters just complain
Low sliders whizz by guys who swing at air
As one by one the middle innings fly
No hits the sixth the seventh.. It ain’t fair
Good pitching beats good hitting… Stats don’t lie
Each strikeout notched makes Smoltzie bear down more
Right up until he finally loses gas
Hell! Kolb emerges from the bullpen door
And Now we know we’ll take it up the ass
Now Bobby Cox is destined for the Hall
Unless he gives old Danny the next call
Oops… That last line line came froma an earlier draft. It should be:
So long as Danny doesn’t spoil it all.
An apology to delq: I hadn’t read their sonnets when I posted my disappointment at the earlier efforts. The meter (which everyone else seems to miss) is excellent. My excuse is that I still can’t access this website at home for some obviously intractable reason.
I don’t understand why. Have you tried purging your cache? If that doesn’t work, try a workaround like looking at the site in Google Translate. (Use Chinese-to-English.)
I can’t rhyme very well. So I’m going into another direction for my literary efforts. Alliterative verse.