All happy teams resemble one another; every unhappy team is unhappy in its own way.

All was confusion in the house of the Hammers. The general manager had discovered that his third base coach was having trouble waving runners home from third, and he declared that he could not share the same clubhouse with him. This condition of things had lasted now two days, and was causing deep discomfort, not only to the general manager and manager, but also to all the members of the team and the fanbase.

All the members of the team and the fanbase felt that there was no sense in their actually watching the games, and that in any sports bar people meeting casually had more mutual interests than they, the members of the team and the fanbase of the Atlanta Braves.

The manager did not come out for the media press conference; the general manager had not given an interview for two days. The hitters were swinging at everything as if they were crazy; the first-base coach was angry with the new third-base coach and nearly wrote an Instagram post to a friend begging him to find him a new place. The former starting shortstop had departed a few nights before; the color commentators demanded their wages.

— pause —

That’s about as far as I can stretch that gimmick, anyway. What a revoltin’ development this has been! Whether or not this team rounds into something worth watching, they can hardly be said to be such today. In the meantime, hug your families, eat some snack food, change the channel, pick up a 1000-page Russian novel. Enjoy your evenings!

Having said that, it’s Chris Sale vs. Merrill Kelly tonight, so in theory this could be a pitcher’s duel. For the optimists and masochists among you who watch, I hope it’s a good one!