WAITING FOR FREDOT
Camerogon: (Is sitting on second base, struggling with his cleats)
Markakimir (enters). “Ah, there you are!”
Camerogon. Yes. As I have been since I don’t know…
Markakimir: New York?
Camerogon: Yes, I suppose.
Markakimir: May one inquire where Your Mightiness spent the night?
Camerogon: On second. I’m waiting on Fredot to drive me in.
Markakimir: Did they beat you?
Markakimir: The usual lot. IWOTM, the Natspos, you know…them.
Camerogon: Yes. What did you expect? Shut out. Repeatedly. I have been waiting on Fredot.
Markakimir: Ah yes, Fredot. You could drive yourself in? Steal a run?
Camerogon: Myself? Please, Mr. Petersonivich tried that – see that tree?
Markakimir: A lovely tree.
Camerogon: Thrown out by three branches and a root!
Markakimir: Three branches and a root! Truly, then it is not a good idea to steal then.
Camerogon: Yes, they hung two thieves on either side of the Savior, you know.
Markakimir: Henderson and Brock?
Camerogon: I know not their names. Perhaps it was Cobb.
Markakimir: No, I heard Cobb was safe. Let’s go.
Camerogon: We can’t.
Markakimir: Why not?
Camerogon: We’re waiting for Fredot – he will drive us in safely.
Camerogon: Here – or perhaps Gwinett first, then here. I have a hard time remembering.
(Enter Pierzo and Lucky Fredi. Pierzo has a rope around Lucky Fredi’s neck. Lucky Fredi is carrying a fungo bat, a baseball cap, and three BP baseballs. Lucky Fredi collapses into a heap as Pierzo squats in a catcher’s crouch.)
Markakimir: A bat! Perhaps it is Fredot! (Markakimir stands and approaches.)
Pierzo: Stop! He’s wicked! He’ll sacrifice bunt at any second. Do you want to be a sacrifice?
Camerogon: Would it drive me home?
Pierzo: I…I have no idea. It would put pressure on the defense I expect. Surely that would count for something?
Markakimir: Are you Fredot?
Pierzo: No. I am a backstop – Pierzo by name. I have seized this scruffy villain to pull me around. I was supposed to be relaxed, a man of leisure, yet this ruffian drives me instead of the other way around. Truly, I demand he bench or trade me!
Camerogon: (hopefully) He said Fredot!
Pierzo: No, unfortunately. I stood in nicely when Fredot was here last, but now….
Markakimir: Ah, too bad.
Camerogon (noticing Lucky Fredi.) Does he collapse like that often?
Pierzo: Just in June. Oh, and every other September.
Camerogon: (looking at Lucky Fredi) What manner of man is this servant of yours?
Pierzo: (puzzled) I have no idea. I have heard that perhaps he might be a smarter manager if his head were covered. You! Put your hat on and manage!
Lucky Fredi: (slowly stands and puts on the hat.) Sac bunt! Pressure on the defense! Steal and run! (becomes more animated) Gomeski, into left and face that righty! Yes! That’s veteran leadership!No pinch hitting for the pitcher! Pinch hit for the pitcher! Avilannay, handle the 8th. (Pierzo, Camerogon, and Markakimir become agitated).
Camerogon: Quick, tip his cap!
(They struggle. Markakimir finally grabs the bill of Lucky Fredi’s hat and tips it back. Lucky Fredi falls silent and collapses again.)
Pierzo: Well, I must away. Up beast!
(Lucky Fredi staggers up, they exit.)
Camerogon: Night is falling. The bottom of the 9th, and we are still waiting for Fredot.
Markakimir: Yes, waiting for Fredot.
In other news, the Cardinals 4, Braves 2. Here’s a link to the ESPN recap. ESPN Recap