Blazon’s Poetry Parody Thread: Happy July 4! (Game Thread.)

Happy Fourth to all…

for those with the time and inclination have some fun on the holiday parodying in some sort of loose baseball terms what others have written in centuries past…post it here when you have…it can take pretty much any form- sonnets, limericks, w.h.y. from a couplet up…

here’s one original two liner for example, John Betjeman on the inanities of the British class system…

it’s not for us to wonder why
he wears that rather odd school tie’ aa/88 (rhyme/syllables)

an Atlanta baseball fan might retort…

on Fredi flunked in bullpen mode
small modicum of sense bestowed.

or the four line verse…here, Hilaire Belloc on the joys and privations of 1920’s travel in Europe…

do you remember an inn, Miranda
do you remember an Inn
and the fleas that tease
in the High Pyrenees. irregular!

use that if you like as the basis for some fun…

or Philip Larkin’s cynical view of both parents and children…

man hands on misery to man
it deepens like a coastal shelf
get out as quickly as you can
and don’t have any kids yourself. abab rhyme, all lines 8 syllables

moving on to 5 lines, it must be the limerick…born in the pubs and working men’s clubs of southern Ireland three centuries ago it was originally both bawdy and scabrous..we can make it anything we want – poor Fredi again…

if we have five then i’ll use four
all other constructs to ignore
my finger’s in the wind
so many have i binned
but love them all, my darling corps. aabba 8/8/6/6/8

or, with the more traditional meter emphasis …

a hurler we’ve got in a trade
is rather infrequently laid
has been heard to complain
were i Maddox or Sain
exceptions would likely be made. same as above


…here we try to stick however loosely to a single source, Milton on his blindness – here’s his original…

When I consider how my light is spent, abba
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide,
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent

To serve therewith my maker, and present abba
My true account, lest he returning chide,
Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?
I fondly ask; but Patience to prevent

That murmur, soon replies, God doth not need cdec
Either man’s work or his own gifts, who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best, his state
Is kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed

And post o’er land and ocean without rest: de all lines 10 syllables
They also serve who only stand and wait.

ok…some general points…this is obviously a more disciplined and complex structure but don’t be put off by it, not as hard as it looks…and, though it be reverential in tone, WE DONT HAVE TO BE…parody, brother…satire, call it what you will…it’s not sunday yet…poetic licence, bring it on…multiple entries allowed/encouraged you never know, the second try might be an improvement…if you’re entering more than one ‘class'( a limerick and a sonnet for example) please post separately…ONLY THE SONNETS SHOULD BE ,VAGUELY, MILTONESQUE, THE OTHER FORMATS CAN BE ABOUT ANYTHING…

44 thoughts on “Blazon’s Poetry Parody Thread: Happy July 4! (Game Thread.)”

  1. To paraphrase Matthew Quigley, “This ain’t bloody London, and I ain’t John Milton.”

    That said, here goes nothing:


    Dredge not again glad memories from our past
    When Mad Dog, Smoltz and Glav did magic spin;
    And though but one world’s title did we win,
    We won! Dave’s swing, Tom’s gem, a crown at last!
    Curse Hrbek, who off base Gant’s foot did cast.
    The last great pennant race Bond’s dream did end.
    Young Andruw’s blasts did dynasty portend,
    But Leyritz broke our hearts again, alas!
    Now comes our dawn: our Braves shall rule these days;
    And hits shall spring from now misguided bats;
    Young sluggers will at last control home plate;
    New aces twirl, and Simba make great plays.
    Braves fans will boo the hated Mets and Nats
    And win again unnumbered flags: ’tis fate!

  2. coop…

    gracias, there goes a fine piece..great synopsis of two decades and it has its own inherent pace…

    in contrast this one settles for the comparison between two bullpens…for me that’s where most of the pain has come..

    when we consider that once mighty ‘Pen
    vile vaunted ‘neath its panoply, its mounds
    made morbid maples gag their sapless sounds
    as terror struck the hearts of lesser men.

    such sweet selection offered to our Chief
    from left, from right, from heat, from golden guile
    he summoned one of three, perforce we smile
    his foetid features basking in Relief.

    but now a wasteland settles o’er their perch
    departed heroes cannot aid our cause
    the harshest winds blow victory to loss
    in evening’s shadows to our end we lurch

    such turgid contrast give us pain-filled pause
    continuum, we bear a heavy cross.

  3. Amen. I yield the pen.

    Keep them coming, Journalistas. I smell vast royalties for all.

  4. the royalties will likely embarrass in their amount, surely…

    sdp…elucidate please..

    the Sirens Song consumes us all
    we come to cheer, we’re in the thrall
    of victory so sweet
    but oft’ a sad retreat
    still we return, our port of call.

  5. I promised three… and one happened to already be based on On His Blindness

    Announcers and Sabermetrics
    Throw Joe Simpson under the bus
    PA HR AB
    GIDP Fire Chip — No fuss.

    Dan Uggla, 2014
    KKKK F6 K
    HR F6 KKKK
    BB K HBP
    SF K IBB
    63 63 K DFA

    On Our Bullpen
    When I consider how our payroll’s spent
    Funding Uggla’s continued whirling hacks,
    And that one Talent which our team so lacks,
    In latter innings, Noc-A-Homa’s tent
    Presents to us a truly sad parade
    Of woeful arms and doubtful pitching skills,
    Can I survive these innings without pills,
    I fondly ask; But patience for a trade
    Hart murmurs, then replies, We do not need
    A hold or even yet a closer’s art
    Until we have the other cogs indeed
    Cobb’s stadium with millions taking part
    Until then can the Braves’ fans hearts all bleed:
    They also cheer who witness Veal depart.

  6. I think Milton could use an editor. I present some slight changes of little ability or wit

    When I consider how my power is spent,
    Ere half a year of banjo hitting shame,
    And that one talent which carried fame,
    Lodged with me useless, though my neck more bent

    To serve therewith my lineup, and present
    My true account, lest Chip and Joeseph chide,

    Doth braves expect slugging, homeruns denied?
    I fondly ask; but Freddie to prevent

    That murmur, soon replies, offense does’nt need
    Either slugging or on base gifts! Who best
    Bear his mild bat, they serve him best, his state
    Is kingly. Thousands at his bidding screed

    And post o’er Braves Journal and AJC:
    They also serve who only stand and wait. (and walk a lot)

  7. well, the wheels are turning, thanks to all…

    Jonathan..never realized before K rhymes with A but it does…your Uggla effort filled with bravado ignores the basic rule which may or may not have been properly explained…Sabermeteric terms(eg WHIP) only not those already in existence way back…very Difficult but my money’s on you..

    a limerick or two from anybody??

    snowshine…lively and you’ve achieved the clearest ‘run on’ between ‘verses’, thanks..

  8. here’s Milton accusing Fredi of succumbing to outside pleasures in March while his young charges went neglected..

    please thou consider where all wisdom went
    long springtime hours in dawdle on the Hog
    while rookie sluggers quick unlearnt to slog
    and errant arms their radiii all bent

    to serve thee best attempted to eschew
    their hanging curves yet searching for acclaim.
    thou seemed besotted with a certain name
    when peril stalks so fingers point at you

    disclaiming thus their role in what must come
    when summoned from that seminar of shame
    to fast impose their will, misunderstood
    thy sweet naivete, such zero sum.

    ’tis only now we learn to love thy name
    or rather might, if only just we could.

  9. So rosenthal says we are still pushing CJ trades and attaching other players with him.

  10. Shall I compare the bullpen to my day?
    It is less lovely and less temperate.
    Although it rains and thunders o’er my head,
    that’s not as bad as losing games we’ve led;
    An Aardsma, Veal, or Avilan imperils
    The work of straining starters for to keep
    An offense which does not score runs in barrels
    From slipping further back of DC’s *bleep*
    And yet, sometimes, some competence is seen.
    And Grilli usually can hold the save,
    But even then, performance near the mean
    Lacks 1-2-3s we still so dearly crave.
    So long as GMs plot and eyes can see,
    Please Hart, deliver bullpen arms to me.

  11. Bases loaded, no one out, they’ve got us right where they want us.

    Edit: Kelly and Uribe didn’t read the script, hooray!

  12. This is an offensive explosion the likes of which has not been seen around these parts in many a generation.

  13. It’s nice to hear broadcasters reference soccer and not snicker or belittle it, unlike our usual chatterboxes Dumb and Dumber.

  14. @18. Agreed, though part of that was surely a plug for the sake of FOX Sports.

  15. Bracing myself for the inevitable ex-Brave grand slam against his old team in 3 … 2 … 1 ….

    EDIT: Never mind, at least that time.

  16. Here comes the Hibernation Mode again.

    It fits our offense
    Like hooks into eyes.
    Fish hooks.
    Our open eyes.

    And thank you, blazon. I figured that no one would notice a few extra RPM for Shakespeare’s corpse, with all the parodies already out there.

  17. “This is an offensive explosion the likes of which has not been seen around these parts in many a generation.”

  18. I hope you don’t mind if I repost this. Seems quasi-appropriate today.

    Give me your retired, your poor,
    Your befuddled Massets yearning to breathe free,
    The wretched refuse of your waiver wire.
    Send these, the DFA’d, batting practice tossed to me,
    I lift my lamp beside the bullpen door!

  19. I could write bad poetry all season if it helps us win…

    “Let us go then, you and I,
    Where the Phillies are spread out beneath the sky
    Like patients unetherized upon a table.”

  20. CJ..

    mechanically he says he’s sound
    and intellectually profound
    but still he loves to flirt
    with curve balls in the dirt
    all logic therefore does confound.

  21. Past games have proved we are perfectly capable of coughing this up.

  22. Eveland and Brigham are probably 2 of them. Maybe Masset? Maybe Banuelos goes back to AAA?

  23. Brigham? I had to check B-R to make sure that was a real pitcher and not someone who’d wandered into the clubhouse at some point.

  24. First year of legal fireworks in Georgia. Let’s just say there’s some pent up market demand here.

  25. Meanwhile, out in LA, the Mets are one inning away from losing and dropping to just half a game ahead of the Braves.

  26. Saw touki pitch vs the charleston riverdogs tonight. Mid 70s curveball is as advertised. No one came close to hitting it. Fastball sat around 92. Lots of ground balls. Threw change and slider unless my standing room only eyes deceived me. 1 hit, 2 walks.

  27. I’d imagine I’d feel pretty comfortable with a rotation of Miller/Teheran/Wood/Perez/Wisler and a bullpen of Grilli/Johnson/Avilan/Aardsma/McKirahan/Vizcaino/Banuelos. I think you can win with that, and you still have Folty, Massett, and Cunniff in AAA as depth.

  28. This game marks the halfway point of the season, and the Braves are on pace to go 80-82.

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