So, rather than recap today’s game, I’m going to recap yesterday’s game. I am aware that sort of ineffectual gesture will not take this game off the books — running the Ferrari in reverse didn’t take off all the miles the parking attendant put on Cameron’s dad’s car, either — but I’m going to go ahead and do it anyway.

At this point in their careers, Ryan Howard is not a good hitter and Kyle Kendrick is not a good pitcher. But they have reliably destroyed us throughout their careers: Howard’s hitting .291/.370/.605 against the Braves, with 45 homers and 124 RBI in 597 PA, and we probably should never allow a righty to pitch to him. Kendrick is 7-2 with a 3.28 ERA in 96 innings, a full run lower than his pedestrian 4.35 career ERA.

So you probably could have guessed that these two legends would singlehandedly destroy the struggling Braves, and you’d have been right. Howard hit a two-run jack in the first inning and the Phillies never trailed after that, as Kendrick went seven innings for the win. A day after the Braves converted 12 hits and three walks into one run, the Braves scored a whopping two runs on six hits and a walk. To add insult to injury, Andrelton Simmons made two errors in the 9th inning, leading to the 5th Philadelphia run.

Here is a song sung by a sociopathic falsetto clown, which is completely apropos for this team.