“Hello, I’m Melky Cabrera. I’m here to eat Cheetos and, failing that, play baseball, and I’m all out of Cheetos. No, wait, I found another case. I’m good, carry on.”
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“Hello, I’m Melky Cabrera. I’m here to eat Cheetos and, failing that, play baseball, and I’m all out of Cheetos. No, wait, I found another case. I’m good, carry on.”
Use code “Journal” for a 5% discount.
Being fat isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Look at Babe Ruth. I’m sure Melky has been compared to Babe Ruth many times. After all, we were expecting Melky to hit .300 with thirty home runs. Too bad that he actually sucks and couldn’t keep Betty White from taking an extra base.
Betty White taking
An extra base? I hope that’s
In the baseball sense.
That’s not what your girlfriend haikus.
Be vewy, vewy quiet, but I was right that the hangman isn’t hanging this year – at least as it regards celebration penalties.
If they didn’t flag the Bama receiver for the flip, they aren’t gonna flag anyone that doesn’t directly trash talk a fallen opponent.
Makes football sooooo much better.
So after the Jacksonville State debacle I’ve finally gotten on the internet again. Its been a long sad week and the Braves aren’t helping.
Stu, I know who Vandy’s going to get their at least one SEC win against this year, and that’s this weekend. If you’re making the trip I’ll supply you with a beer at some point.
Mac is it two late to re-write my preview? 7-5 looks a little overly optimistic at this point. I may have lost my journalistic integrity.
I guess I missed it somewhere – what is the 5.7.5. about?
5.7.5 counts
Syllables said when reading
Braves Journal haikus
Jonathan
Five syllables first.
Seven next in a haiku.
Five to finish it.
I’ll never link from TMZ (they are the spawn of the Devil), but they are reporting that what sent Floyd Mayweather off on his woman-beating tear was the knowledge she was having an affair with CJ Watson (former UT basketball great).
All the women in the world and CJ hooks up with Floyd Mayweather’s? Dude …
How is Miss favored by 13.5 over Vandy? I think the Rebs will win but that line…seems high.
There once was a fella named Stu
Who could only converse in haiku
Though the limerick is better
I guess the “V” on his sweater
Makes him smarter than Moises Alou
(Sorry – couldn’t think of a better ending.)
Oh. I should have known
that. In fact, I did know that.
Just did not realize.
I guess that may be cheating though. Is “realize” 2 syllables or 3? Guess it depends on where you are from…
according to fangraphs, melky is the least valuable player in the major leauges.
http://www.fangraphs.com/leaders.aspx?pos=all&stats=bat&lg=all&qual=y&type=6&season=2010&month=0
There once was an OF named Melky
Whose breasts were as big as a selkie
His glove is a stone,
To whiff he is prone
But he’s still not as fat as Tim Welke.
Yunesky Maya and his 7.20 ERA is exactly the type of pitcher we’ve made look like Greg Maddux lately.
We play the Nationals in 6 of our next 12 games. That would be a good thing for most teams, but the way we’ve played lately against bad teams (and bad pitchers) makes this extremely scary. We really need to sweep this series at home!
@11
Limericks are a slippery slope–let’s go down head first!
Their defense just makes me shout
Their offense puts me into a pout
But time and again
In two thousand and ten
The Braves prove you can’t count them out!
Go Braves!
Derrick Lowe against the Nats again??? WHY????????
Pennant-race baseball has that weird mixture of exhilaration & fear. Wish we weren’t one-out/one-up as we are, but these next few weeks could be quite the thrill ride.
Count me as happy to be playing Washington this week.
BravesJournal I need
some help she just cried in the
middle of making out.
a pitcher who wears a braves hat
sees a team that is coming to bat
somehow when he throws
bugs fly up his nose
he just knew he’d have trouble with nats
@19- Next time you should try when shes awake.
@21: You’re horrible!
It was too obvious and my immaturity got the better of me!
@19
Blower back up and put her in the tub. That will help you find the leak. Patch it and try again!
Swing And A Miss
a pitcher recaptures his fun
from times long ago when he won
he aims for the toes,
he grins, and he throws
and the batter is already dunn
Once again, Braves Journal surpasses all other baseball blogs in erudition and sophistication. (Sorry, I don’t do haikus, never could.)
I don’t know what erudition means.
I hadn’t a clue
that Bravesjournal.com had
such talented folks
The Legend hits hard and inflicts
close calls and dark singed fabrics
the boss sheds a tear
what a horrible year
and now he has ripped Capps to fix
Oh, wait, he was traded. Oops.
What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps
leave me alone, its relevant to Melky.
Is this haiku trend
because of something I said?
Billy sheds a tear
s(t
he
br
av
es
ba
ts
sl
um
be
r)
i
len
ce
Melky sits!!!
Braves lineup: 1. Infante 2B, 2. Heyward RF, 3. Prado 3B, 4. McCann C, 5. Lee 1B, 6. McLouth CF, 7. Gonzalez SS, 8. Diaz LF, 9. Lowe P
Hey, anybody going to the Braves games in Flushing this weekend?
Or maybe:
Hey, anybody
going to the Braves games in
Flushing this weekend?
this nadal/djokovic match is going to be a good one
Impressively naturalistic… maybe we should start calling you Bashobubba.
37- Appropriate, because the Braves depart for the Narrow Road to the Deep North after this series. Well, New York, Philly, and Washington anyway.
If we don’t pitch and hit better, it’ll be the Narrow Road to the Deep Sh*t.
I just asked Tim Kurkjian on the radio who he thinks the Braves will trade in the offseason for an OF. He said they can trade Hanson for a top-tier OF, or Jurrjens/Minor for a second-tier OF.
I never even thought of trading Hanson… but if trading him gets us three years of a top OF, I say do it.
I’d be interested in his ideas of “top tier” and “second tier”. Who’s a “top tier” OF? Braun? Rasmus? Because I would think a young, cost controlled talent like Hanson would demand the same in regards to an OF.
Hanson for CarGo? I wouldn’t take much less,
and given his splits I’d still think twice about it.
Melky had a positive UZR in CF last year. Did he really get that much fatter in the offseason? Is it a park thing?
Well, I’d say since most fly balls in New Yankee Stadium land in the seats, his UZR would be impacted.
He seems more waddly this year.
Melky looks less fat in that picture…
serious question. Why is Heyward still hitting in the 2 hole? I know the 3 spot is reserved for Chipper even if he is hitting like a guy who should be in the 6th, 7th or 8th spot, but now that he is out, why keep the guy who has been on fire in a non-rbi spot?
@45
because bobby cox is the manager and that’s the way it’s going to be.
on a personal note, i’m enjoying my first thomas creek beer out of greenville, sc. i’m having the vanilla cream ale and it’s surprisingly delicious. recommended.
I agree. Heyward is drilling the ball, give him a chance to get use to his future. This McCann-Lee 1, 2 punch needs to add some punch to the 1, 2. Melky was thinner last year, and obivously his workout habits are Andruw-Jones like….so I can imagine what next year will bring.
Nice throw, McCann. Glad to see that he’s no longer catching guys trying to steal center field.
47- The “McCann-Lee 1, 2 punch” is like following up your first shot by belting yourself in the ‘nads.
Looks like a lot of good seats available, tonight.
#45
Splits up the righties & lefties at the top of the order, plus he’s a super-high OBP guy & FWIW, he has more speed on a team with very little. I’m fine with it.
I know the 3 spot is reserved for Chipper even if he is hitting like a guy who should be in the 6th, 7th or 8th spot, but now that he is out, why keep the guy who has been on fire in a non-rbi spot?
You honestly think there would be any noticeable production difference hitting Prado second and Hayward third?
Guess again. It would just make it easier for the other manager to ROOGY Infante-Prado and then LOOGY Heyward-McCann. It’s fine the way it is.
Edit – Or what ubbaba said.
Lowe’s getting the strikeouts tonight.
Something I thought the followers here might enjoy –
The First World War (explained as a pub fight)
http://www.theospark.net/2010/08/first-world-war-explained-as-pub-fight.html
Hey walks! I remember when we used to do this!
Edit: Wow an injection and an infusion. Joe is absolutely giddy the Nate’s hit a few balls hard.
Double Edit: The old double balk. Don’t see that much.
Two balks separated by one pitch? There’s something you don’t see every day.
Matt Diaz: The Unmelky.
No, Heyward’s the Unmelky. Diaz is the non-Melky, which is still a big improvement. (McLouth is now the ex-Melky.)
The Marlins are trotting out Andrew Miller again against the Phils? I guess we’d better win to keep pace.
I’ll take runs any way we can get them, especially in a playoff race, but that second balk looked a little petty to me. The guy might twitched or something.
Oh well. Guess he’ll have to learn to twitch some non-balk inducing way.
Such is life in MLB.
Not cool man.
Sorry, Mr. Maya, but we really need to beat you tonight.
I didn’t know the injury to Strasburg was TRAGIC. Thanks, Chip.
“Stinko-de-mayo”
Another Chip-tastic Classic
so, to prove that he’s worthy to start over melky, all diaz has to do now is throw 5 players out at the plate and hit 6 consecutive home runs.
Don’t throw at Morgan. We don’t need that.
@54, loved it!
#65 – Probably wouldn’t hurt to get his OBP above .300 either.
Derek Lowe probably knows karate. Just a hunch.
ZOMG, runs.
Man, another well hit ball from Nate.
McLouth is really creaming the ball these days.
@68
after his earlier triple, diaz’s ops since coming back from injury is approaching .900. i dont think he needs to do anything other than what he’s been doing the last 47 games.
Keep throwing it there.
Is it too early to say that Nate is back?!
#73 – He had a strong July. July was a while ago.
latest on the phillies home page says they are going to re-align their pitchers so that we’ll have to face oswalt, hammels, and halladay.
Omar Autosingle carries on.
I say bring on Oswalt, Hammels, and Halladay.
That would have been a triple if Melky were out there.
Another reason not to let Minor have a day off there, imo.
I know its the Nationals, but Lowe is dealing tonight!
Sorry, if this has been brought up before, but I haven’t watched in the past couple of weeks. Nate’s stance is different right? Looks like he may have a better view of the ball and is standing up straighter.
Lowe = current staff ace?
Where has this Lowe been the last 1 1/2 years?
Who are you and what have you done with Derek Lowe?
Let’s keep it up. The Phils are blasting the Marlins.
Do we have the lowest September attendance for a contending team? This crowd is embarassing.
That whistle in the crowd is driving me nuts.
Derrick Lowe has replaced Tim Hudson as the ace of the staff. Way to step up Lowe.
We only have 5 hits tonight against this guy!
@88: Well, Derek Lowe was on the mound, after all.
Damn..how many people are at the game? 10, 12 maybe. Wow ATL.
.400 OBP for J-Hey
Seriously, that whistle makes me want to scrape the roof of my mouth open.
Apparently the attendance is lousy in Colorado, too. MNF?
@91
And four runs and the lead.
sheesh!
Lowe going 8 innings. We must be in bizarro world.
Do the Braves have a 9-inning complete game at all this year? Good grief….
98- Lowe was at 105 pitches; the CG means less than having him ready for his next start against the Phillies.
@98
Seriously? We are winning a game. This hasn’t been a common thing of late.
Lowe-one run last 14 innings. Rest helped
A thing of beauty. Shame it won’t get us into first place, but we’ll gain a game on either the Pads or Rockies tonight.
Oh, and attendance is given as 18,647.
@101, maybe he was tired.
@103.
That is what Lowe said. Playing Nats & Pirates may help. He was hitting corners all evening
Recapped.
RE: McLouth
The SportSouth guys were talking up a timing mechanism that Chipper suggested. He’s bringing his hands slightly back to start his swing. Apparently keeps him on the ball better.