Arizona, or the Arid Zone, is thus known because it is so hot and dry that it was uninhabitable until the invention of modern hydraulic technology, air conditioning, deodorant, and refusing to go outside until two hours after sunset.

The state capital and largest city is Phoenix, named after the mythological bird noted for bursting into flames. This can still be seen in Arizona during the summer months (January-December). Arizona has a large retiree population of people who can at least say that they didn’t move to Florida. Popular hobbies in Arizona include sitting very still, dying, saying “At least it’s a dry heat,” losing landslide Presidential elections, and complaining about how the Phoenix Suns can never play defense. Arizona residents have still not come to accept that Holmes got both feet down.

The largest private employer in the state is Wal-Mart, just like everywhere else. The state’s signature industry is copper mining, as copper in its liquid form is extremely commonly found throughout the state. Arizona also has a thriving film industry, standing in for other hot, dry places like Saudi Arabia or the surface of Mercury.

The official state animal is nocturnal and has never been seen by human eyes.