Game Thread: Braves vs. Phillies, 4:05pm ET (Morton v. Wheeler)

The Philadelphia Phillies are, for the moment, above .500. Historically, that’s rather unusual. Over their 139 seasons of major league history, the Phillies are 9854-11032, good for a .472 winning percentage — the equivalent of a 76-win season, every year, for nearly a century and a half.

In all that time, they’ve finished first in their division a grand total of 15 times, and last a much more appropriate 34 times, and next to last an additional 17 times. Squalor is their natural habiliment, and despair their rightful habitude.

Lately, these shlemiels have taken to getting ideas above their station, spending what their owner was pleased to call “stupid” money on players like Bryce Harper and today’s starting pitcher, Zach Wheeler. After spreading around the simoleons, they now have several players who do not suck.

About a .472 winning percentage worth, I’d say.

Let’s beat ’em like a redheaded stepchild and put ’em back where they belong. Here’s a metal cover of a classic by Bruuuuuce:

23 thoughts on “Game Thread: Braves vs. Phillies, 4:05pm ET (Morton v. Wheeler)”

  1. A song with dynamics tailor-made for metal… who knew? And love the double-bass drum bit. Mighty Max, take note…

    It’s Charlie Morton time… let’s right the ship

  2. The drummer on this cover is Jay Weinberg of Slipknot, who happens to be Max Weinberg’s son — a really lovely Father’s Day present.

  3. Alex Remington
    Let’s beat ’em like a redheaded stepchild and put ’em back where they belong …

    [Not so fast: Historically, the ATL Braves play poorly in Chicago and Philadelphia, plus
    Braves bats are cold, for now, like the weather in Philadelphia. Then also Philadelphia sucks as a city to have to spend four days in to start the season. Let’s just hope the Braves can win one of the three games. If Philadelphia pitching held in just ten of the 21 games they turned into losses in 2020[?],or was that 2019, they would have had a .633 winning percentage, which works out to a 102-win season over 162 games. In any case one MLB analyst says the Phils have ‘win the division’ upside potential over the Braves, Nationals, and Mets [due to the notion that? their pitching may prove to be superior] Also the entire Phillies team basically plays in order for the Phillies to be able to pay Harpers’ salary. Harper is the most over paid player of all time, or one of them. Upper cut swing for the fences guy and not much else… He was jones-ing for that contract from the jump, after six years, and Philadelphia was stupid enough to give it to him. It’s so easy to hate Philadelphia, the city, and their obnoxious fans. It’s similar to NY as don’t mind the maggots.

  4. I swear pictures hit like .700 against us. Our guys can’t get a stinking had to save their lives

  5. The only good thing about the inevitable DH is we’ll never have to give up a hit to a pitcher ever again.

  6. Well that escalated quickly…
    Mlb gameday had segura as in play, outs for the end of the inning.
    I come back and its 3-0 :(

  7. Teams may still want to hit their pitchers again at us. I imagine the batting averages against us is higher for pitchers than DH’s

  8. Please liberate us from Newcomb.

    Luke Jackson’s in midseason form! Can’t throw a strike but occasionally manages to weasel out of it anyway, somehow.

  9. Redemption is here…Saint Luke does not disappoint and alone gives up nothing on the score sheet leaving the bases loaded.

    Praise be. But no more smart haircuts and trimmed goatees – does not suit your stuff.

  10. Acuña still swinging through middle middle fastballs….
    The whole offense was putrid, btw, didn’t mean to single him out.
    I really hope some of it is due to the weather.

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