Let me start by saying that I still love you, and I always will. You were my first true love, and I will always hold you in a dear and special place in my heart. You’ll always be the one that helped shape and build me. That said, baby, I think we need to talk.
Look, it’s not you; it’s me, okay? I’ve just grown away a little over the years, right? I’m just not the same goofy teenage kid that fell so fast and quick for you and your sparkly day-glo charms 30 years ago. I mean, people grow apart over time, right? It’s natural, right?
Look, I’ll always remember the first awkward advances and stop and start joys of those early days. It was the 80s. All the other kids were mocking you. But I saw something there, baby. I saw something inside you, a potential… And then, pow! Oh my god, how you blossomed in the college years. You so hit the mark, love. Everything I saw in you in high school just exploding out of the cocoon like a butterfly. God, the passion of those years…
Sigh. Look. That sort of thing can’t last forever, can it? I mean, we’ve been together for damned near 30 years now. You have to expect a little give and take at this point, don’t you? I understand that this is going to hurt and be difficult for you, but you have to understand that it was coming, right? Right? A man changes over three decades, baby! Sigh. Like I said, it’s not you…
Well, you know, it’s kind of you too. I mean, you have to admit, you’ve not precisely kept yourself together the last few years, right? Hey. There’s no need to get angry and yell. Facts are facts, baby. And fact is, you’ve let yourself go a little. Maybe a little more than a little, if we’re being honest. And now your off on this weird Nick Markakis/AJ Pierzynski thing these days… Right, I can sort of understand the new adoptees. I like that Peterson kid well enough myself. Either of them; whatever; it doesn’t matter which one, okay? And that Miller boy sure seems to be doing well under your wing. But… AJ Pierzynski?! I just don’t know.
I’m not sure I have it in me to raise yet another passle of youngin’s at this age, babe. If that’s what you need, fine. But I don’t know that that’s my path right now. We did really well with Hoss. I mean, really well. And we tried our best with the French exchange kid and his roommate. And hell, even Jason is off at college now – out of state, against our best advice. But he’s working at it. I think we did okay there too. And no one can blame either of us for the accidents with Kris and Bran and Mike. Those things happen with active kids, baby. But I’m just not sure I can go through another round of it, right? I mean, really, we’re going to try to rehab that Maybin kid from two counties over now?! Honestly, I had no idea who Williams Perez was until he showed up at the house last week!
Look, what I’m saying is I need a little space. There’s no need to shout or cry. I just need some space, right.
Yes, dammit. I’m seeing someone else. The Hawks, okay! I’m seeing the Hawks. Look, stop cursing and yelling. Call it a “crisis” if you like. Whatever. If you’re honest about it, you’ll admit they’re a little more well built than you these days anyway. A man has needs, dammit.
If there was a like button, I’d have signed in from multiple emails to hit the thumbs-up several times! Attaboy, Sam.
Dear Sam: I understand a midlife crisis as much as the next girl. I realize that hiring Wren to redecorate the house turned out to be a lot more expensive and ugly than I expected, and the decision to build a new house out in the suburbs means we can’t dine on Cardinal or Met for awhile and will have to stick with the cheaper cut of Marlin. But I’m saving to give you the mancave you always asked for; enjoy your little floozy for awhile. She’s just going to break your heart and you’ll be back. You took ‘Nique to the prom and came back, so I’m not really worried. Some time apart might help both of us. While I may not win, I plan to have a lot of fun while you’re gone.
XOXOXOX, Cinderella Liberty Media
From time to time, ya’ll are just exceptional.
Awesome. This is why I spend way too much time here.
Fantastic with a sides of brilliance and hilarity.
2 — LOL @ settling for the cheaper cut of Marlin.
Sam, she probably began to change after you started calling her Barves.
By the way Adam R’s Williams Perez joke in the last thread was our best yet in the genre.
I fear that much asÂ Pickles Schlosser was given a much better nickname than throwing arm, Williams Perez will fail to live up to the jokes that we’re making about him. Still, I’m enjoying every opportunity that we’re taking so far.
No Edward,it’s been coming on longer than that, actually. The change began after Sam *approved* the Owl statue. He thought it was a hoot. Frankly, I thought it was too much money, but then, when he couldn’t sell it on Craigslist, he ended up *giving it away* on Freecycle. That’s when I realized he wasn’t the man I married. The guy *I* married knew the value of a dollar, y’know?
I approved renting the damned thing for that one party. No one told you to buy it outright.
Tonight’s game is hardly a fair matchup–it’s like pitching with one pitcher tied behind your back.
One of your man’s needs, Sam, seems to be psychiatric evaluation. My daughter’s a shrink. Shall I make you an appointment? She may be able to work you in between my twice daily sessions.
Basketball, Sam? You’re cheating on the Braves for basketball?
Nice recap though. Keep up the good work.
I’ll be tuning in at about the 5th inning because it’ll be interesting to see how Fredi plays the double-switch.
Or maybe it should be said “this is one double switch even Fredi can pull off”
The official collegiate tennis team of Braves Journal, VU Women’s Tennis, is your new national champion.
@13: (a) How many DHs do we get in an AL park? (b) Could we make any use of an extra one?
Do we all get souvenir mini-racquets?
@15 How did the VU tiddly winks team do this year? They were projected top 5 in a preseason poll.
Alas, a down year for the best of the Northwestern U sports teams, womens LAX, shut out of the final 4 for the first time ever, I think.
Well, I have a date with the Hawks tonight, too, so… guess I’m just a sucker for the tender charms of immediate gratification as well.
Plus, there’s that “hey-I’ve-never-been-here-before” thing going on.
No shame brah. Everybody wants the feel of something new.
So gettin’ a little strange on the side, Sam?
en route to an isolated valley in north west Colorado famed for two things..
a frequent hideout for Butch Cassidy and his Kid when things got hot..so you might say it worked, up to a point..
a protected nesting site for migratory waterfowl..Folty has migrated, he would be happy here…
sequiturs/non sequiturs..both are needed.
kudos to TC…Folty Falters in the Fifth…
Happy birthday, Sam.
Someone looked at the Braves’ drafts from 2002-2010, and unsurprisingly, we had one of the best track records in baseball: http://tigers.scout.com/story/1540610-the-tigers-rough-drafts?s=273
Feckless Folty Feebly Falters in the Fifth Frame 🙂
Apparently we traded Cornely to the Red Sox
Great trade! Who’d we get?
Rays’ announcers just proclaimed Simba “in a class by himself.”
Jace vs. Jake: round one to Jake.
The Williamses settled down nicely in the second.
Callaspo hits? I don’t know how I feel about this
That was a pretty play.
Nice, Freddie. Bullet dodged.
Isn’t every play involving Perez a double play?
I’m sure Nick markakis does have a glove of gold. It’s getting the glove to the ball that’s the Problem
@36, I see what you guys did there
Edward, Heyward homered today.
Williams Perez has seven strikeouts through five. Did not see that coming.
Good job, Perez. Better luck next time, Perez.
Heckuva first start, rook. Nice game. Get him a run or two, Braves.
Two would be keeping with the theme.
Williams didn’t look half bad. Certainly better than Stolts or Cahill.
Nice catch. You were robbed, Cameron.
Deus ex dugout.
I might have left him in, but tomato tomahto
I’m sure that Cahill watched that wondering how Williams Perez could do that when he couldn’t even come close.
Cahill had a good outing last night. Maybe he’s not a starter like Perez?
“Who are Williams Perez and why are they better than me?”
Williams didn’t look half bad.
He’s twice the pitcher we thought he was.
Whew. Runs, please.
One’s better than none.
Speak for yourself. They are who we thought they were.
It’s really raining here.
53- So when do we crown their asses?
We’re gonna need a bigger crown.
All’s well that ends well.
We did it! Now pls Hawks do it :-/
Grilli is on pace for 50 saves.
By the way, you guys are on a roll with the Williams jokes.
Hawks need to hit some threes, but LeBron just tweaked an anke and he’s got 3 fouls early
Ugh. Refs are killing them