The House of the Fallin’ Rain (Braves 2, Marlins 1)

There is a moron in Miami
That runs a stadium.
He’s been the ruin of many a game,
And Lord, I know, he tried one.

The Braves, they went to Miami.
They played against Loria.
Julio was a dealin’ man,
And we’re all glad he was.

The Marlins ground crew is famous, you see.
They don’t open umbrellas in the rain.
They leave the skylight open to water,
and think “tarp” is an acronym.

Oh Braves fans, tell your children,
That you remember 2, 0, 1, 5.
Just when the dark looks hopeless,
You just might see the sun.

Markakis, was a drivin’ ’em in,
(The curious acquisition).
And without a Kraken to hold it up,
Grilli proved he could be the one.

Well, despite the moron in Miami,
The Braves are one and “oh.”
And God has shined his face on us,
Cause the Nats start off with “oh.”

[with apologies to “The Animals”]

94 thoughts on “The House of the Fallin’ Rain (Braves 2, Marlins 1)”

  1. Someone break out the Mohs hardness scale, because Cliff’s a gem!

    @346/Tad previous thread

    That’s what I mean. Heyward keeps getting drawn into the #strikeoutscourge discussion, but he wasn’t a strikeout guy last year, not by today’s standards. He was the model for what this year’s team is supposedly trying to do on offense. Do some folks just forget to actually watch the games or remember what they’ve seen? That’s why they keep statistics.

  2. This recap is great!

    Seeing Dan Uggla get the Opening Day start for the Nationals got me thinking. I know the National have been handed the World Series crown before the season has started for three straight years, but if they actually manage to win it this year [shudder], the Braves may end up paying Uggla a whole lot of money to collect World Series rings from other teams. The irony in that is rather laughable.

  3. Win today and we’re assured sole possession of first place at least once this year. (The Mets/Nats series is off today, so the Mets can’t go 2-0 to tie us until tomorrow.)

  4. @4 – I’m comfortable investing 13.5 mil or so into Dan Uggla sabotaging the Nats this year.

  5. One of the sublime joys of a “wasted season” is that you can literally just sit back and enjoy a single game, every day.

  6. Baseball is the background music for the summer. If we win then it’s certainly more fun, but if we don’t then life goes on. To me there’s nothing wrong with having low expectations for a season – there’s always room for a pleasant surprise to the upside.

  7. Uggla was 0 for 3 with a K yesterday for the Nats – so far, so good!

    Also seriously @3 Edward, a Mohs Hardness Scale joke? Good thing we’re in a safe place for nerd jokes here.

    As far as yesterday’s game went… I was happy to see that 1) Jace Peterson looks playable – a starter for now and possibly a valuable bench/super-sub once the Braves re-develop some decent position player depth; 2) Markakis acquitted himself well, at least insofar as it appears he’s not hampered by his neck recovery; 3) Johnson and Grilli may be valuable mid-season trade chips. Both were throwing well yesterday.

    Getting ahead of myself here – but if Markakis keeps hitting, I suspect the Braves will hold onto him this season, seeing as he’s got a 4 year deal, barring an amazingly favorable trade offer. We’re brutally thin in the OF ranks right now and Cakes’ game (basically, a steady everyday player with a high batting average) would give the announcers and fans something to rally around. I only hope they don’t hold him past the point where he transitions from an asset to a liability, a la Dorn.

  8. I get the sense from reading on the blog yesterday and bits and pieces through the last year that the faction that loves Heyward feels like he is being scapegoated for last year.

    I just don’t see that. He was a valuable asset and he got traded for two valuable assets.

    While Jason is a fantastic defender, his .OPS has fallen by almost .100 points since 2012. I hated to lose him, my wife and I are big Heyward fans, we were all in with him, but that is a big power outage.

    Who knows if he is every going to hit to the level of the money he was going to get this off season. Make no doubt, he is going to get PAID. The braves, with their tight wad ownership and terrible TV deal can’t make that kind of gamble, so they found the right deal and made it.

    I think Shelby Miller has the same chance to turn into a frontline starter as Heyward does into a front line MLB hitter. Jason just never did get over the hump from good to great. The braves simply can’t pay Jason 150-200 mil for a sub .750 OPS and a great glove.

  9. Uggla was also involved in a critical defensive mishap with Ian Desmond that led directly to the Mets’ winning runs.

  10. If Heyward flourishes in STL due to obvious mechanical adjustments, it will be hard not to look at the Braves coaching and management and hold them in highest contempt.

  11. @12

    Right, right, and right…but I *do* get the sense that he’s being scapegoated in the mainstream coverage, not for his power outage or his looming free agency, but for reasons that don’t actually describe the way he played. And it really rubs me the wrong way.

  12. @8 Co sign. There is a freedom that comes with low expectations or what @10 said.

    I am fully on board with the Hart rebuild. I still can’t believe that he got someone to take Mel Upton’s contract. Stroke….of….genius. It sucks that the sweetener for the deal to take place had to be Kimbrell but you I guess you gotta give something to get rid of something. Especially when that something is a 46 million dollar turd.

    Back in the 80’s I’d hold out hope and after the Braves were totally out of it by the second week in May I’d look for a team to root for. Not this year, I am fully embracing the suck. Go Braves.

  13. For a while at least, I am going to try to do Monday recaps in parody songs. We will see how long it goes.

    Most of the time, if we can hold them to 1 run, we will win.

    Johnny @17: I know getting rid of the Upton contract is good, but I figure the only way it impacts us this year is letting us take a piece at appropriate value of an otherwise bad contract. And I am skeptical about Liberty saving money and that helping the team. But clearly if there IS an outfield prospect FA then we definitely have a need.

  14. I think there are two factors involved in the Heyward conversation being had today. First, there is an element of Braves fans (and media) who are, in fact, accusing him of failures he was not part of. Simply by dint of association with the Upton-here, Upton-here OF alignment. That’s obviously false and wrong. I would suggest the best way to deal with those folks and comments is to never, ever listen to talk radio or read the comment section of a major media outlet. Ever. Not even if your kid’s life depends on it. You can make more kids later. You can never wash the AJC/ESPN comments section out of your brain.

    Second, I think some of our more die-hard Heyward fans are really, really sensitive to anything that might not shine up Heyward as the second coming. That too is generally speaking false and wrong. You should try to guard against that if you think you may have that tendency. Heyward was a great defender who didn’t live up to his offensive potential with us, and got traded. He’s not Baby Jesus.

  15. Nice job, Cliff, but instead of apologizing to Eric Burdon and the boys, you should apologize to some unnamed New Orleans bard. The oldest known recording is 1934, before Eric was born, and the song is undoubtedly much older than that.

  16. If Hart can dump Dorn Johnson for anything, even a half-eaten hot dog, he has to be GM of the year.

  17. Why do you guys call him Dorn Johnson? I mean, I hate him too, like you guys, but I’ve been away for a long time is all. I would like to learn to hate him better. Teach me.

  18. Yeah, likewise. His contract’s not as bad as Upton’s was, but I never disliked Upton on a personal level the way I do Johnson. Even when he was playing well he had a stick up his ass which was always annoying to see, but now he’s a bad player with a bad contract who presents himself as a self-absorbed douchebag.

  19. I went to kindergarten with Chris Johnson’s sister. And I still hate him. That’s how hateable he is.

  20. I’ll just quote Jake Taylor again on Chris Johnson:

    You know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. You were really great, once. If you wanna be an interior decorator now, that’s none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me! This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don’t know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I’m gonna cut your nuts off and stuff ‘em down your f****** throat!

  21. It all started when he beat out Fat Juan for me. He and I were never on good terms after that.

    Plus he was a lightning rod for the whole validity of ‘defensive metrics’ debate which gets me all hot and bothered sometimes, and basically, I just wish he were dead.

  22. @28, Dorn’s contract isn’t that huge, but you do have to add up the dollar value of equipment he destroys in the dugout when he fans on a slider that never had any part of the plate.

    @35, as part of a platoon, he actually makes a lot of sense. He needs to get it through his toe head that the only thing he is REMOTELY good at is hitting LH pitchers, and that he does quite well.

  23. Sigh, yet another post here on Heyward’s Journal.
    I have to admit it, I’m going to be keeping up with Heyward this year. What I want is for him hit close to or exactly like he did in 2014. Then we will see if 5.5 of defense heavy WAR is worth 20 million AAV. Or 200 million or 150 million.

    I love the Dorn nick name. I guess Regression is out because we don’t want him to regress any more for crying out loud.

  24. Regression only stuck because he never regressed his first year on the team, so it has more of a positive connotation to it than Dorn does.

  25. @37 I would dearly love Dorn to Regress back towards his 2013 line long enough for the Braves to dump him! Who could use a 3B? The Giants are allegedly running out Casey McGehee at 3B this season…

  26. @40, it’s kind of nice to only have to hope for one miracle bounce back in a season instead of three (Uggles, Mudge, Dorn)

  27. The most David O’Brien thing ever?

    Which AAA starter is most likely to be called up this year?
    by Compeau 11:31 AM

    I’d guess Wisler. Sounds like he could be ready anytime if Braves need him, or at least close to ready.
    by David O’Brien 11:32 AM

    By the way, WELCOME and good morning, everybody. Since no one said good morning to me.
    by David O’Brien 11:32 AM

  28. The best part is that Fredi played the ‘matchups’ card when asked why CJ wasn’t in the lineup, while CJ’s numbers against their pitcher was something like 7/14 with a HR. There’s *got* to be more to this. Color me intrigued.

  29. @20

    That reminds me of a fantastic article I just came across recently, although it’s nearly a year old. I actually thought of the Braves Journal music lovers when I read it (I’m sure some of y’all have already read it as well).

  30. I haven’t been around here for most of the offseason, so I’m just now finding out about the Dorn nickname. I saw people using it on and off the couple times I poked around here during the offseason and spring training, but it didn’t really register that you guys were talking about Chris Johnson (though had I thought about it, that’s obviously who Dorn would be on this team). Anyway, I think it’s pretty much the greatest Braves Journal nickname ever.

  31. @40 – Dang, I forgot you could regress the other way too. Hell, I’d take it if he would regress to his mean much less his outlier year.

  32. Nice work, Cliff.

    NYC folkie Dave Van Ronk actually popularized the song, as “The Mayor of MacDougal Street.” (Great book, BTW). Bob Dylan stole his arrangement for his first album on Columbia, and that’s the version that The Animals adopted.

    Here’s the bit about it from Scorsese’s terrific Dylan doc:

  33. I’m not Edward, but I think what Edward’s saying is that Heyward is being lumped in with the selfish K-prone gopherball culture that sacrificed manufactured runs for self-aggrandizing homerun trots.

    Of course, I think it’s all sour grapes. If you give away all your homeruns in trades, you have to tell yourself something to believe you can compete (“That’s it! We’ll scratch those runs out! In fact, those home runs kept us from scoring!”) On the other hand, I sure did enjoy scratching out 2 runs when that’s all we needed.

  34. Yeah the Dorn nickname was officially added to the glossary about a week or so ago. And yes, it’s perfect

  35. Well, “scapegoated” is probably too strong a word for what I’m observing–it’s an inference probably brought on by the fact that I’m still a little sore about the off-season.

    But there seems to be some sort of subtle agreement between the Braves, the main beat-writers, and the tv and radio broadcast teams to talk about the past without remorse, or in broadly unflattering terms, glossing over the notion that Evan Gattis, Justin Upton, and Jason Heyward are very good baseball players who helped the Braves win lots of games, erasing their legacies with phrases like “putting the ball in play” and “clubhouse atmosphere” as if we’re naturally better off having jettisoned them–not for the future, but for this season. It’s been the storyline about the Braves since spring training began. It’s so bald, so two-faced, so political, such an ugly oversell that it sets my teeth a-gnashing.

  36. Well they did help us win 79 games last year. Why should they keep talking about these guys? They aren’t Braves anymore.

  37. Someone mentioned that we’d score 2 runs or fewer quite a few times this year. I was curious, so…

    In 2014, we scored:

    2 runs or fewer 64 times
    1 run or fewer 41 times
    0 runs (shut out) 16 times

  38. Edward, I definitely get that vibe about the Uptons (well one in particular, natch), but I don’t think any of it has been targeted at Heyward. Most people I talk to that I consider “informed” Braves fans are across-the-board sad to see him go and also a bit sad that he didn’t quite reach the peak of his potential as a Brave. I think that’s a pretty fair way to look at it.

    Again, I’m going to be beyond pissed if the STL hitting coaches correct a few simple issues and he puts up MVP numbers offensively this year. If that happens I want everyone in the Braves org fired and the team sold. Ok maybe that’s a bit over the top, suffice it to say I’ll be pissed. You can bet your last dollar that there’s quite a few people in the Braves executive group that are rooting for Heyward to flop this year.

  39. Gotcha. Well, they’re all acting in their own best interest, so no surprise there.

  40. Not really sure why Fredi is starting Dorn both of the next 2 games vs RHP. That’s not a platoon.

  41. If Heyward’s offense picks back up this year, the narrative will be that STL fixed him and ATL couldn’t (or that they broke him). This won’t necessarily be true.

  42. I don’t know about rooting for Heyward to flop this year, but I don’t want to see another Joe Torre trade result.

    Braves traded Torre to the Cards during the 68-69 offseason after 2 years of declining production only to watch him turn it around and win the MVP in ’71.

    Braves received Orlando Cepeda which didn’t seem like an terrible swap until time passed.

  43. @59, very very true, but it’s a narrative that nobody in the Braves front office wants any part of. I think that’s the absolute worst-case scenario for them (as if things aren’t bad enough already).

  44. Edward, you’re reading too much into standard PR man hype. The announcers are paid to keep viewers on the game. They do that by selling the new club as much as they can. To sell this club, you have to talk about contact and not striking out. (There was nothing more productive about Alberto Callaspo’s first two at bats yesterday, both weak tea cans of corn to outfielders trotting in toward the infield grass, than there was to BJ Upton or Chris Johnson K’ing swinging.) Their job is to sell the team to the viewers, and thus get the viewers to tune back in tomorrow night.

    The beat writers are doing the same thing, but more because their jobs hang tenuously by a thread as their entire industry vanishes, and that thread begins and ends with access to the clubhouse. So they too sell the company line about how contact hitting and productive outs. (It helps that they’re not particularly smart baseball men, too.)

    None of this is a diss to Jason Heyward, per se. But it’s not their job to sell the productivity and skill set of STL’s new right fielder. (I guarantee you, when the Cards visit, the entire team will gush about how great it is to see Jason again.)

  45. Young 8
    Peterson 4
    Markakis 9
    Freeman 3
    Bethancourt 2
    K. Johnson 7
    C. Johnson 5
    Simmons 6
    Wood 1

  46. In addition to marking their defensive positions, the numbers next to the name also suggest how many pitches you might expect the player to see per at bat. (Freddie notwithstanding.)

  47. Sam @ 67,

    Do you REALLY think Andrellton will see 6 pitches in an at bat? You are an optimist.

  48. I get the attraction to “Dorn” as a nickname, but I don’t think it’s really apt. If there’s a Dorn playing MLB today, it’s Arod. Dorn was supposed to be a former star in his twilight, obsessed with the culture of stardom, hence the “interior designer” quote. That part doesn’t seem to fit Johnson. That sounds like Arod to me.

  49. Dorn would be AJP (if he played 3rd). I never really liked Regression either. I don’t have anything better though. It does seem like CJ is in the early lead for whipping-boy, mostly because all the competition has left town and I barely know the names of half the new guys on the team, let alone if I should hate them or not yet.

  50. Hey let’s talk more about manufacturing runs on sports south. This team is gonna be really good if they can manufacture just one more run than their opponents each night.

  51. Freddie can hit too, but I thought Markakis was supposed to drive in all our runs.

    CB! Woo!

  52. Mat Latos exits with a 94.50 ERA.

    I don’t remember what the reason is, but I’ve always hated Mat Latos. I have a vague memory of him being a red-ass, either with SD or CIN, but I don’t remember the situation. Just remember thinking he was a poor sport.

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