So, the Rangers are going to the World Series, but after that, then what for Jeff Francoeur? He’s going to be non-tendered. Sure, there will be the inevitable contract offer from the Royals, but he’ll want to keep his options open. What are the career options for a guy with a high school education and a slider-speed bat in this challenging economic climate?

Jeffy has his strengths: He’s tall, he has good hair, and people seem to like him. There are some traditional fields for people fitting this profile, but there are risks. He could be a television anchorman, but that may require too much reading. And he could always go into management, but that opens the deadly possibility that someone might accidentally ask him to manage something. No, I think an older, more traditional job is best for Jeff Francoeur:


Yes, since time immemorial, there has been a role for the big dumb good-looking guy in the field of pretending to boss people around while other people do the real work. And Jeff, as a right fielder, already knows how to stand around looking blank for any given length of time while other people perform obscure rituals in front of him. He certainly is used to all sorts of people praising him and acting like he’s something special while not doing anything. He was born to be a constitutional monarch.

Certainly, there aren’t a lot of thrones standing vacant, but maybe that’s because people aren’t trying hard enough! Any number of former Soviet republics and satellites are sitting around, with nothing much going for them. Why can’t Bulgaria, or Estonia, get a splash of glamour by bringing in the universally loved Francoeur as King Jeffrey I? Tourism could skyrocket! Sure, he won’t be able to speak the language, but that’s never been a bar, and presumably after a few decades he’d pick up a few simple phrases, like “Where’s the bathroom?” and “That‘s the bathroom?”

I wouldn’t rest on this idea, though. Rick Ankiel could be on it like a shot, and you’d definitely want to keep an eye out for Rocco Baldelli.