[You can take the John Wayne version. You can pull it out of Disney’s “Davy Crockett.” You can take the Billy Bob Thornton version. It doesn’t matter. When you get to the end, the Alamo defenders lose. They all die (although in real life it is likely that around 6 including Crockett surrendered and were executed). I take the John Wayne version more directly. For one thing, the romanticization of the heroic defenders is more heightened, kind of like the Barves’ FO’s discussion of how much better 2016 old be. Also, you don’t get the whole, “but we only won at San Jacinto because they fell” thing.]

Juan Seguin {Braves Journal followers }(much younger in the real version) tries to warn William Barrett Travis {Chip Caray because of the insipid homerish commentary} that Santa Ana’s cavalry (Red’s hitters) are close. Travis tries to scoff at this report using the “some vaquero” retort. That was an 1800’s version of the “some dude” defense.

In the first inning the cavalry arrives and runs the contingent out of San Antonio and into the old broken down mission. As in, the Reds score 3 runs in the first inning. Aaron Blair plays the part of the dumb guy who tries to swap punches with Crockett at the bar in San Antonio before the fight really starts. As in, totally inadequate for the fight, but game to try.

But in the bottom of the first, the Tennessee riflemen pick off a few of Santa Ana’s men when they set the siege line a little too close. So, Mallex Smith and Ender Inciarte get on and Freddie Freeman {let’s let Freddie play Crockett} singles in Ender. Then, with no outs, Nick Markakis Barves into a double play, but Ender scores. 3 – 2 Reds.

Then, in the bottom of the second, Erick Aybar {Jim Bowie as the grip of death from Diptheria or excessive alcohol use or whatever is taking over} PULLS a ball into the right field corner for a double, but misunderstands it is not a triple and is thrown out at third. TIE GAME.

But in the top of the third, Santa Ana’s artillery has arrived and been set up. So, there is a 3 run barrage.

But the noble heroes destined for doom do not let up. They pack mud in a series of cannon which Santa Ana’s men don’t check and several of those blow up. In other words, Neck gets in Freddie by benefit of an error and then Adonis doubles in the beneficiary. Reds 6, Barves 5.

Freddie Freeman then homers in the bottom of the 5th and the Barves are ahead 7 – 6). Comparing Freeman and Crockett here, remember that Crockett had just been defeated politically (primarily for opposing Andrew Jackson in thinking that at least some Native Americans were o.k.). And he had been on a little bit of a bender (the drinking and hunting trip being like “the slump”), but now he is focused on the fight at hand (out of “the damn slump”).

But Ryan Weber plays the part of the husband of the old blind woman. He stays in the mission as one more of the doomed. He gives back the lead with 2 in the top of the sixth. Barves 7, Reds 8.

As the final assault is destined to come, Adonis Garcia pushes down the assault ladders over and over by hitting a home run and tying the game in the bottom of the 8th.

But Arodys Vizcaino plays the part of Captain Dickinson in the top of 9. He wears the uniform well and looks like he can accomplish something, but how can anyone defend the Alamo.

Yes this account makes one of the worst teams in MLB sound like Santa Ana’s army of 10,000 against 186 Texicans and volunteers. But doesn’t it seem like there is that much difference between the Barves and the rest of MLB?