The Braves are on pace to score ∞ runs this season

The season hasn’t even started yet, and the Braves have already scored 15 runs, which means that the Braves are on pace to score an infinite number of runs. (Not in the same game, as Kenny Mayne would say. That would be a record.)

With the caveat that none of this actually matters — at all, you should basically ignore the results both good and bad, the Braves scored seven runs in the first inning because Ubaldo Jimenez threw nothing but fastballs and he couldn’t locate them, it being his first start in five months — BASEBALL is back and all of this is awesome. Mallex Smith, who is faster than that, hit two stand-up triples in the first inning and finished a single shy of the cycle. (The second one may have been aided by a Mark Trumbo replay misplay out in left field. But whatever. See above.) Ozhaino Albies went 3-for-5 with a homer and he only turned 19 in January. Dansby Swanson went 0-for-5 with seven men left on base and Aaron Blair gave up four runs in his second inning after having a good first inning; they were mixed debuts, but it was a thrill to see the players we got in the Shelby Miller trade suiting up for the team.


79 thoughts on “The Braves are on pace to score ∞ runs this season”

  1. Again, it doesn’t matter, but Swanson was battling stomach virus according to Bowman.

  2. Mallex Smith
    the future core and not the pith
    bases by the dozen
    so many tricks, they dare enter not his coven.

    the Great Dansby
    so many trips to the cans be
    statistically, digestively they’ll prove to be reductive.

  3. Swanson fair,
    it’s apparently the hair
    his off-field excursion
    must not detract from this exquisite version.

  4. I’m tired of the excuses. Stomach virus? It’s time for Dansby to put up or shut up. We’ve been waiting long enough.

  5. I give prospects a little longer leash than you, Rob, but still…at some point you have to stop being a PROspect and become a PRO. It’s time to get the bowels moving or get off the bowel movement receptacle.

  6. For an infielder in today’s baseball, it’s more like shift or get off the pot.

    Duke takes the mound today. Can we evade our destiny for yet another game?

  7. I know it’s early, but the Braves, if they keep up this pace, will go 81-0-81!

  8. @12, I can confirm that the projected record @10 would indeed break the record of the 1913 Philadelphia Phillies, who finished 88-63-8.

  9. @22

    Edward wins this small portion of the intarwebz for today!

    Let it be written, let it be done.

  10. Clary Hugh’s
    Serves frothy brews
    At either end of the bar
    sits a 1968 wood-grained Quasar

  11. It’s only fitting we’re having alcoholic fantasies before the start of the 2016 Braves season.

  12. Taverna blazon
    could be our d’etre raison
    A round of corona with limes
    to wash down the terribly forced rhymes

  13. Alex R
    would love to find a lonely bar
    Edward Hopper
    would paint him, in situ, grilling a whopper.

  14. @24

    missed it…haha, like it.

    an Engineering Bar i can’t for the moment fantasize.

  15. @24

    Clara Hughes
    she tries to keep up with the news
    at station JWDB
    where likely you will find more than half the SEC

  16. a frozen rope
    the metaphor inflames, excites our hope
    but we’ve had a shortage of freon
    ever since the days we helicoptered in Deon.

  17. idea for a new poll, if you are in need of a new Braves jersey this year, who do you get? someone from Gwinnet? Chipper? just punt and hope for next year?

  18. Well my choice is not available… I would choose a particular member of the coaching staff only because we have the same last name.

  19. I’ll get a vintage “Gant” jersey with hopes that John will make it relevant again.

  20. ‘holistic criteria’
    let’s use less we’re sent to Siberia
    all the parts as a whole
    and please, not again, not another NCAA mole.

  21. Client appointments have cruelly put me about 15 minutes from the Braves’ stadium with no ability to get there before the end of the game. The world is not just.

  22. Ahem, try not to complain about being employed :)

    why does it always seem like Cameron Rupp destroys us? Is this perception rooted in reality?

  23. Still not back to work after the events of last week at my place of employment in Hesston, Ks, but watching Braves baseball is a welcome balm!

  24. Answered my own question:

    Although Rupp has 2 of his 9 career HR against us, he is only slashing .220/.292/.373 (.665), which is in line with his overall career averages. Of course I remember the long balls.

  25. Olivera, Hector
    Wished for a bishop, received just a rector
    Projected for only half a WAR
    While sanguine fans hope for five or MORE

  26. This is a valiant comeback effort. As it stands, bases loaded for Rio with 1 out, down 9-7 in top of 9th.

    UPDATE: K’d, 2 outs for Kennelly

  27. Walked…ozzie up with bases loaded, down 9-8.

    Ozzie walked, 9-9. Mallex up.

    MALLEX! Vroom forced them to make a play! 11-9

  28. Bud Collins
    it was never clear if he was related to Jimmy Rollins
    but those fancy pants
    had the Wimbledon Ladies all askance.


  29. …someone told me once that in the early days of Spring Training the pitchers are always ahead of the hitters…

  30. control and command
    of that which comes out of your hand
    advances your cause
    while giving the hitter occasional pause.

  31. Ryan Clark
    was once pitching Friday Night Lights at the UNCG park.
    said Connie Britton
    unlike me, him there were very few batters who could hit on.

  32. After Simmons was traded I tried to care about baseball, but I just couldn’t. He was the one reason I could turn the game on every night and keep it on. I tried a couple of times to come back here during the offseason, but the first time came smack in the middle of the DH-to-the-NL conversation, and the second time was right around the time the Braves signed Jeff Francoeur. Talk about feeling kicked by baseball while I was already down. But with Andruw being in the Braves HOF and back with the organization…and actual baseball games happening…and the smell of Spring in the air…I just can’t. stay. away. This team is in my blood.

    The comments in this thread are the best. Kudos to all.

  33. I guess it gives Carpenter enough opportunity to catch on with another club that doesn’t have as much bullpen depth. I think Kelly is headed to Japan. Even this early, the Braves need to be handing the finite innings they have to the pitchers that have a shot at making the roster. I imagine the other NRIs are getting the next hard looks.

    Speaking of depth, I was listening to Mike Stanton on MLB Network Radio. His opinion was that for every inning the relief corp consistently pitches, you need two solid relievers in the bullpen. So for a team like us, if you’re going to consistently have pitchers pitching on average of 6 IP, you need 6 solid relievers. It’s interesting to think that our starting pitching was so poor during the O’Ventbrel era, but that’s why we also needed Avilan, Durbin, Medlen, the Lisp, etc. I really think with Vizcaino/Grilli/Johnson/Simmons/Withrow/TBD Lefty/TBD Lefty we’ll have enough horses to shut the game down after the 6th inning, and that’s assuming Ogandi, Ramirez, Weber, Winkler, two of the lefty relievers (looks like we have 4 for 2 spots), and the loser of the Perez/Banuelos/Folty battle don’t factor heavily into our bullpen plans.

  34. Do these moves clear roster space, for a trade? If not, I’m surprised they are made at this time.

  35. @gondee-Sounds like Ogando is an early favorite, but don’t count out Francoeur. His presence to help sell tickets is strong.

  36. Gon Dee
    what an independent cuss he can be
    do you think his MT Meter
    would actually have predicted the early Jeter?

    and read at your peril
    he regards all comments as potentially feral.

  37. Wiillians Astudillo
    is dreaming dreams of Amarillo
    at low,very, A
    and Sweet Marie who’s in the hay.

  38. Hunter Cervenka
    is becoming best known for his sizzling senka
    as it approaches the plate
    it rapidly senks and only then will it begin to gyrate.

  39. Downton Abbey
    had an ending that few would call shabby
    the Braves may now sign either Butler
    ensuring no more illegal play from the likes of Utler.


    Mel Ott
    a statistic that Joe quite forgot
    his first and last names
    less letters than any in all the Hall of Fames.

    P.S. To all who it may concern…if someone, anyone, would care to post something here that would confirm for me, and maybe others, that this blog has thrown off its recent mechanical stutters and is indeed alive and well and is not practicing some sophisticated form of verse aversion therapy over the last 36 hours. Post and i promise a hiatus from these shores…at least a day…cheers.

  41. It took awhile, but I finally glimpsed the locals’ schedules. Both squads open rather cruelly.

    The Mets open at Kansas City, their WS conquerors.

    The Yanks open at home vs. Houston, their WC opponent. It’ll surely be vs. Dallas Keuchel, a guy who went 3-0 & threw 22 scoreless innings against them in ’15.

    And… not that it’s really keeping me up nights, but the Braves’ entire first month is rather daunting. In 25 of their first 28 games, the Braves play the Nats, Cards, Mets, Dodgers, Cubs & Red Sox.

    Cue the Humble Pie:

  42. @71, what a great story. While I remain very concerned that Olivera will make the contribution his salary dictates, I will now pull for the guy without hesitation. I do hope what was reported is true.

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