This week, the Phillies became the 4th team in Major League history to have 4 players 34 or older receive 550 plate appearances. Ruben Amaro, Jr. is trying to make sure Ryan Howard is playing so they can get Howard traded. Did he learn from Wren, or Wren learn from Amaro.?
So, one of the worst offensive teams in the modern history of baseball (maybe that is an exaggeration, but only slight) faced the best pitcher the Phillies had, Cole Hamels. We countered with the best we have, Julio Teheran.

First inning, 1, 2, 3. We bring up Jason Heyward. Walk. Then, after a Heyward steal, Emilio Bonifacio walked. Then a double steal. Runners 2nd and 3rd, no out, bottom of first inning. The high point of the Barves’ offense for the day.

The Phillies finally scored one in the 3rd. You had the feeling there that they might not need another one. They didn’t.

They tacked on one in the 6th. Then, the dam burst in the 7th. Meanwhile, Hamels came out for a pinch hitter and had given up 5 walks, but NO hits.

Jacob Diekman pitched the 7th with NO hits.

Ken Giles pitched the 8th with NO hits.

The wretched refuse of our relief corps’ teeming shore then gave up 2 more in the top of the 9th.
So, with it 7 to nothing, in comes Jonathan Pappelbon. And, set to greet him is Justin Upton. Wait, no pinch hitting is Jose Constanza. I know WPA tells us our WP was less than 1%, but if that isn’t running up the white flag, what is? So, out, out, out damn Barves. A staff no hitter.

And, occasionally we ask why we don’t like the 2014 Braves. They make me want to Barv.