Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Atlanta Braves – Box Score – July 31, 2009 – ESPN

What a sad state of affairs, that even the announcement of the return of the pure excitement that is Adam LaRoche can’t breathe any life into the offense. The Braves were utterly humiliated by Zombie Jason Schmidt, whose fastball and changeup are basically indistinguishable at this point but nonetheless held the Braves to one hit in six innings of work. I lost track of the number of weak popups off of 86 MPH fastballs. Zombie Schmidt did walk five men — Chipper, who had the only hit against him, twice — but the Braves stranded them all. It was embarrassing, really. They should all — with the exception of Chipper — be ashamed of themselves.

It didn’t help that the Braves once again trotted out a replacement middle infield. I’m about given up on Kelly Johnson, who was 0-3, though he did draw a walk. Diory Hernandez had a hit, which I can only assume was caused by some sort of mystic convergence; to confirm this, the Braves’ only other hit came courtesy of Zombie Greg Norton. Barbaro Canizares drew praise from Tweedlechip and Tweedlejoe for his approach of swinging at everything, and went 0-4. Adam LaRoche, sent back home in exchange for Casey Kotchman in a trade that nobody quite understands, will be here tomorrow in Barbaro’s place, and hopefully Prado will be available to replace KJ, but it seems likely that Yunel will miss the rest of the series. McLouth was 0-5. Yuck.

It didn’t matter a whole lot what Tommy Hanson did. He got through the first four innings okay, but allowed a three-run homer in the fifth that was far more than the Dodgers needed. He may be having some endurance issues. He got charged with another run that Acosta inherited, and Medlen gave up a completely meaningless run in the ninth.

Again, everyone who isn’t Chipper or hurt: Shame on you.